


Something

by idk5678



Category: Marvel’s Runaways, Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Engagement, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Future Fic, Healing, Love, Mostly Deanoru, Mutual Pining, Normal Life, Romance, Slow Burn, minor Gert/Chase, no powers, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:01:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22382989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idk5678/pseuds/idk5678
Summary: Karolina hasn’t seen Nico since she slipped out of their apartment 3 years prior. But what happens when her new girlfriend’s career forces her to come face to face with the girl that shattered her heart?
Relationships: Chase Stein/Gertrude Yorkes, Deanoru, Karolina Dean/Nico Minoru
Comments: 68
Kudos: 175





	1. Chapter 1

Karolina will never admit why she moved across the country. Therefore, she has hand crafted and perfected many excuses to stop her loved ones from further questioning it.

There were more career opportunities for her in New York. She needed to know that she could make it on her own. She wanted to be in a big city, full of new and interesting people. Etc, etc...

Karolina will never admit why she moved across the country. But it could all be summed up with one name: Nico.

Nico left without a word. Over the past couple of years, Karolina has tried to convince her self that maybe Nico had whispered something in her ear in the early hours of that morning, kissed her on her cheek, tried to stop the burning tears of goodbye from splashing on to Karolina’s face, inevitably waking her up. Karolina has tried to convince herself that maybe there was a note Nico had left behind somewhere; somewhere that only Karolina could find it, and it was her own fault that she felt totally and utterly blindsided. Or maybe Nico had tried to call her, but the cell reception was bad, and the texts wouldn’t go through, and the voicemail accidentally got deleted, and Nico hadn’t so easily slipped out of their apartment and out of her life in one fowl swoop.

But deep down, Karolina knows that all these were were comforting thoughts. Easy to swallow daydreams to keep her heart from totally collapsing in on itself. The reality of it all was terrifyingly simple; Karolina wasn’t enough. 

And one might ask, “Well, Karolina, how do you know that Nico is still alive, and well, and breathing? How do you know someone hadn’t snuck into your shared studio apartment in the middle of the night, climbed over your Mount Everest sized pile of dirty clothes, grabbed the pint sized girl, and slipped out the window and into the early morning haze of yellow street lights and eerily empty roads?”

Well that answer was simple. Nico was an amazing musician. It was one of the many things that made Karolina fall in love with her. She could write, she could sing, she could play guitar and piano beautifully. She was the real deal. She had started getting mainstream attention a few years back. Her songs were hitting the radio and she was in talks with some indie labels that really believed in her. And Karolina was so unbelievably proud. She never, not once, thought this could be the start to the end of their relationship. She never, not once, thought that all their childhood memories would be tainted, and all of their mutual friends would look at her like a lovesick, heartbroken fool. She never, not once, thought she would wake up to the left side of the bed being empty, their spare suitcase gone, and that mountain of clothes demoted to only a hill, missing everything that smelled like teakwood and lemon grass. 

Karolina was lost. She knew she would survive. She knew who she was and what she believed in. She knew what she wanted out of life. But she always thought it would be shared with the woman she loved. The woman who wore far too much eyeliner and insisted her wardrobe be akin to Peter Pan’s shadow. The woman who promised her the world, and then slipped out of it far too easily. 

It took months for her to start to find some normalcy after Nico left. To the point where her friends had to bribe her landlord to unlock her door, so they could pry her from her bed and get her into the sunshine. They knew they didn’t have any of the answers either. To them, Karolina and Nico were soulmates. They were the yardstick everyone compared their relationships to. They were the ones that were going to get married, have kids, and grow old together. They were it.

And maybe that made this even harder for Karolina. Maybe that made her feel even more blindsided.. Well... Blindsided isn’t the right word... More like sucker punched into a different dimension.

When her lease was up, she made the big decision to move. She couldn’t be in their apartment anymore. There were too many things that Nico left behind. Too many things she was scared to touch, because it felt like if she moved something, she would be rocketed into a universe where Nico never existed, and everything they had was gone. She couldn’t open the pantry and see the oatmeal that Nico ate every morning, and Karolina couldn’t stand. She couldn’t open the top drawer under the sink in their bathroom, because she knew Nico’s half empty bottle of perfume was there, and if she smelled it, all the progress she had made over the past year may be lost. She couldn’t look in the full length mirror by their bed, because the sticky notes Nico had written her telling her she looked beautiful today, and everyday, were still adhered to the edges of it. She couldn’t breathe. 

Gert was the first person she told about the move. And while she was disappointed, she understood.

“Karolina, you know it’s possible to stay in this city while still leaving those memories behind?” And Karolina had painstakingly considered that, but it felt like that apartment was just a room within a haunted house that she had trapped herself in for so long 

“Gert, I need to be selfish. I need to breathe again. I need to focus on my career and figure out what I really want.” Gert pushed back a loose piece of purple hair behind her ear and studied Karolina carefully, as if trying to find all the words Karolina wasn’t saying. Gert’s glasses had fallen from the bridge of her nose, and were now carefully balancing on the tip of it. She peered down at her hands, and fidgeted with the black polish on her nails, anxiously chipping away at it. 

“Listen Kar, if this is about your career, you know I whole heartedly support you. Go be a badass She-EO at some marketing firm. But if this is about... She who will not be named... I really think you should reconsider...” Karolina was surprised that the guilt of lying to Gert wasn’t plastered across her face. Nico had always told her she was terrible at hiding how she was feeling. But she couldn’t just be this sad, hung up on her ex, girl anymore. She couldn’t keep waiting for Nico to turn around the corner, apologize for everything, and tell her she would never leave again. And to be honest, Karolina wasn’t sure she even wanted that anymore.

Sure, when Nico first left, all she wanted was for her to come pounding on her door and say this was some cosmic sized fuck up. But now, she doesn’t even know if she has it in her to forgive her. She holds so much resentment for the girl who killed their future and then made her mourn it alone. 

_____________________________________________

After being in New York for a few months, she decided it was finally time to dip her toe back in the dating pond. It wasn’t like she knew anyone here. No one who knew that her heart was veritable Nico putty. No one who knew how deeply she had loved and how deeply it had devastated her.

So as she walked down the street, on a cool fall morning, pulling her scarf up higher as a chilling breeze hit her, she collided right into Julie Power. 

Julie was beautiful. She had dark hair like Nico’s, parted in the middle and perfectly framing her face. She had bright, kind eyes that were the type of blue that shared a similar resemblance to Karolina’s. She had porcelain skin, and wore a soft smile. She looked like she could never break a heart, no matter how hard she tried.

And maybe that was what drew Karolina to her.

Julie took her on dates and surprised her with flowers. She brought her to random shows of obscure artists, because she worked in A&R at a record label, and wanted Karolina to have a window into her world. She kissed her on the subway, in front of strangers, something Nico would never do. She made her tea every morning, because she knew that coffee made Karolina jittery and anxious. She smelled like vanilla and patchouli, and her lips tasted like peppermint always. She was an angel.

And in may ways, Karolina felt like she didn’t deserve her, like she was too good to be true. She would talk to Gert about her for hours on the phone, really trying to prove that she had moved on, that this girl wasn’t the answer, but she certainly helped.

One late morning, as they lay in bed, Julie playing with the tips of her fingers, she looked over at Karolina, clearly excited about something.

“Hey... I want to take you to a show tonight. I think you’ll love this girl. Her music is incredible, and she really knows how to write about the queer experience.” Karolina continued tapping on the pads of Julie’s finger’s, not thinking much about her statement. She was always inviting Karolina to shows, telling her about these new, incredible artists that were going to make it big. “You may have heard of her. She’s kind of a big deal right now. She wrote this whole album about this almighty love that broke her heart...”

“What’s her name?” Karolina asked lazily. She hadn’t kept up with the mainstream music scene lately, and doubted that she had indeed heard of her.

“Nico Minoru.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Karolina comes face to face with the ex she hasn’t seen in 3 years?

Karolina dropped Julie’s hand immediately and tried to hide the shocked look on her face. Sure, she and Julie had been together for 6 months now, but in that time, Karolina hadn’t found it in her to have the ‘Nico’ talk. Julie was an open book about her past. She talked about lost loves and missed connections, and it never really bothered Karolina. She just assumed that she had matured, and jealousy was a useless emotion in her adult years. She didn’t want to dig much deeper into the real reason her heart didn’t ache when Julie talked about her first serious relationship, or the artist she met in Prague that she backpacked through Europe with. 

She always played it off with Julie. Said she had some flings here and there. Tried to let Nico slip her mind like she had slipped out of her life; wordlessly. She tried to make it seem like no one in the past meant anything, and with the way Nico left, you would think it hadn’t meant anything at all.

“Hey K, is everything okay?” Julie looked at her with such concern, as Karolina tried to compose herself.

“Yeah babe, I uhhhh... I uhhh just...” Karolina quickly pulled her phone off of the charger and stared down at it, hoping that this would give her some kind of simple excuse. Something better than, ‘yeah, that’s the girl that smashed my heart to bits, and is the reason I am in New York, laying in your bed, trying not to have a small meltdown.’

“I just didn’t see what time it is. I should really get some work done before our plans this evening.” Karolina was fully aware that it was a Saturday at 10:30 AM, and she never had to work the weekends. But she hoped Julie would give her an easy out.

“Yeah... Okay... Does that mean you want to go to that show tonight?” Damn... Karolina hadn’t thought about the fact that she had basically just accepted the invitation to go see her ex sing songs that could very well be about her, with the girl who is currently looking at her like she put the sun in the sky. 

But let’s be totally honest. These songs weren’t going to be about her. She and Nico hadn’t spoken in years, and clearly, Nico disregarded their relationship like it was some one night stand and she was sneaking out before the sex could become morning cuddles and quiet conversations over coffee. It meant nothing to her.

“Yeah, sure... Let’s go. It sounds fun.” She was finally able to meet Julie’s gaze, giving her a tiny smirk.

“Alright! Awesome! It’s at Music Hall of Williamsburg, so not too far from your place.” Julie grinned back at her, one of those totally in love grins that Karolina had trouble mirroring. “Just promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Just don’t fall in love with her. She’s pretty hot, and her music will make you believe in soulmates.” Karolina knew it was a joke, but it made her heart ache. Who were these songs about? Who had Nico finally deemed worth professing her undying love to?

_____________________________________________

As soon as she left Julie’s apartment, she scrambled to find her phone in her messenger bag. 

“Hey Karolina, what’s up? How’s Julie Power-of love?”

“Gert. She wants to take me to see Nico perform tonight!” She heard the purple haired girl choke on the other end of the phone, clearly trying to sort out this new information. “Please don’t die on me hear... I could really use some advice...”

“Sorry. Sorry. I just have no idea how one person can get fucked over by the universe so many times.”

“Gee, thanks...” Karolina could feel the reality of the situation crashing in on her.

“Kidding! Just kidding! How big is the venue? Is she even going to be able to spot you in the crowd?” Karolina hadn’t even thought about this. She was just trying to figure out how to not let her heart get crushed by Nico’s sweet serenades about someone other than her.

“I don’t know... Probably less than a thousand... But what if Julie wants to do her usual Julie thing... What if she wants to try and sign her, and my world is forever revolving around Nico’s!” Karolina was trying not to have a total panic attack on the phone, as she took big, deliberate breaths. 

“Karolina... Calm down. It’ll be okay.” She could tell that Gert was using the most soothing voice she could muster. “But I do think you need to tell her about Nico. There is no way she is going to want to sign the ex love of your life.”

Karolina knew Gert was right, but how could she explain the withholding of her great love that turned into her even greater loss.

“I just need to make it through tonight. I promise I will tell her before anything gets super serious.”

_____________________________________________

Karolina took 3 shots of vodka before Julie arrived to her apartment. 1. For herself. 2. For Julie. 3. For making it through this evening and swiftly putting it behind her.

She heard a gentle knock on the door. It was Julie’s signature knock. One that usually gave Karolina’s stomach butterflies. But right now, all she could do was curse Nico for still having this hold on her. Even through years of separation, she still has total control over the situation. And Karolina hates her for that. 

Karolina opened the door and gave Julie a quick kiss.

“Someone tastes like Titos... Listen, you don’t need alcohol for this show. You’re going to love this girl. I think she’s going to be the next big thing.” That’s what Karolina was afraid of. 

They walked through the streets of Brooklyn, trying to avoid the April puddles, hands clamped tightly together. Karolina tried to keep her breathing steady as she read Nico’s name on the marquis. 3 years ago, she would’ve been so proud to see her name in big bold letters. Now, it hurts her more than she expected.

“You’re awfully quiet over there... Everything alright?” Karolina could see Julie’s nervous glance as she tried to bury everything warring in her head.

“Uh... Yeah, just kinda tired. Do you think maybe would skip the after show conversations tonight?” Karolina felt so guilty for this request. She knew this was Julie’s job, and with how talented Nico is, she knows this could be a big deal for her career, but she hasn’t seen her ex in 3 years, and she doesn’t think tonight is the night for their magical reconnection. 

“Yeah babe, no problem. We’ll get you home right after the show.” She couldn’t help but notice the flash of disappointment in Julie’s eyes. Karolina feels awful that she is taking advantage of her kind heart. She knows Julie would do anything to make her feel safe and happy, and using that to get what she wants feels so manipulative. Fuck Nico for once again making her feel like a subpar partner. 

As soon as they get in the venue, Karolina makes a b-line for the bar. The buzz of the Titos was starting to wear off, but she’s not sure how many drinks will make this experience anything other than sobering. She hears two girls talking as they wait for their drinks. 

“Her song ‘Blue Eyed Girl’ is honestly so heartbreakingly beautiful. I can’t wait to hear it live.” Karolina tried to ignore the quiet voice in her head telling her, ‘hey dummy, that song is for you.’ She can’t decide what would be harder; knowing that all of this or none of this is about her. She bites the skin of her lip so hard it begins to bleed. Anything to take her mind off of the suffocating pain in this room.

After getting her drink, she joins Julie close to side stage. The opener is currently on, and to be honest, they sound pretty good. Karolina tries to lose herself in their psychedelic pop sound, hoping it will ease this tension and anxiety.

After a 45 minute set, the openers thank the audience and ask if everyone is excited to see Nico Minoru. The audience erupts in a way that Karolina wasn’t expecting. She can feel the ground vibrating under her feet, as she sees throngs of women losing their mind over her ex. And she can’t help but feel a little bit of pride mixed with the confusing sting of jealousy. She holds onto Julie’s arm tighter, hoping it will anchor her back to sensibility. 

All of a sudden, blue lights flood the the room and the eruption of screaming starts again. A few solemn notes ring out through the venue. This is it. 

Nico slowly walks across the stage. It isn’t a confident walk, but it certainly has purpose. It’s the kind of walk that says ‘I am down to earth but have the capability of ruining your life.’ It is so absolutely Nico, and the crowd Loves it. 

She is in ripped black jeans and what looks like a worn out blue t-shirt half tucked in in the front. Nico never wore anything other than black, so it takes her off guard. She squints her eyes to try and get a better look at it. It looks like the powder blue pocket tee that Nico had bought her years ago because she ‘thought it would make her eyes pop.’ She thought she had lost it after Nico left, and it absolutely broke her heart. It was her favorite shirt and she cursed herself for being so careless with it. 

But there it was, in all its glory, baggy in all the wrong places, flowing off her body like poetry. 

“I slipped into you without a thought, didn’t care what those blue eyes cost.  
You needed me, and I should’ve fought. Would give it all up for the blue eyes I lost.”

Karolina couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. Nico’s voice was everywhere, sucking all the oxygen out of the room. 

“You were everything and nothing, and I couldn’t breathe.  
Your very love was suffocating me.  
So I slipped out the back door in the middle of the night,  
And let dawn mess up your pretty little mind.”

Even Nico’s lyrics were confusing and contradictory. She gritted her teeth and tried to stop the burning tears from falling down her face.

“In every city, I look for those eyes. Ghostly images of what I left behind.  
And now I’m the one with a pretty messed up mind.”

She could feel Julie’s eyes on her, trying to read whatever bizarre, tense, totally out of character reaction was pouring out of her. Fuck you Nico. Honestly... fuck you.

She was now singing to a pretty blonde in the front row. Giving her tiny smirks and clearly enjoying the attention. It all felt so cheap. Using Karolina’s song to lure out one night stands in foreign cities. At this point, she has held, kissed, serenaded so many knock off Karolina’s, would she even know the real thing if she was staring at her.

And as if the Universe hadn’t made enough of a joke out of her life, blue eyes met brown, and she heard Nico’s voice crack. Clearly Karolina wasn’t the only one who couldn’t breathe.

Before she could start to think rationally, she was pushing passed throngs of people. She had to get to an exit, had to get out of the all encompassing bubble of Nico. Once she made it through the double doors and onto the sidewalk, she took big, labored breaths, leaning over and gripping her knees for support. 

Julie must’ve followed her, because all of a sudden, she felt a comforting hand rubbing her back.

“Kar, what’s going on? Are you going to be sick?” She looked up at Julie bleary eyed and unfocused. 

“I’m so sorry, Julie. I don’t know what came over me... I just...” And before she could saying anything else, she was sobbing in Julie’s arms, burying her face into her neck, trying to find some comfort in all the wrong places. Suddenly feeling as cheap as Nico.

“Hey, hey.... It’s okay. I know her music is kinda heavy.” Julie paused and pulled Karolina’s face up to look at her. “But listen, I have to go back in there. My boss is really hoping for some solid notes about this show.”

Karolina nodded, and wiped her eyes, giving a little giggle to try and cut through the tension. 

“The last time I cried this hard at a show, it was for Julien Baker. I guess I have a thing for the sad girls.” Julie smiled back at her, clearly trying not to read too much into the Karolina sized puddle in her arms. “Go back in. I just need some air. I’ll see you in a few minutes.” Julie leaned in for a gentle kiss, gave her back a comforting rub, and then disappeared behind the double doors. 

_____________________________________________

Karolina sat on the curb outside for an hour, feeling as burnt out and useless as the cigarette butt she was currently crushing with the rubber toe of her converse. She tried to find the courage to go back in the venue, but she couldn’t bare the thought of meeting those brown eyes again.

She saw the neon glow of the bodega down the street, and decided perusing the candy aisle was a lot less sad than sitting under the marquis with her ex’s name in big, bold letters.

The florescent lights felt like a shock back to reality, burning her glazed over eyes. She was in the middle of an internal debate about which candy bar was superior; Snickers or KitKats, when she heard the ding of the bodega door. She glanced up to see Nico, looking totally lost and confused. Fuck.

She hadn’t even bothered to check the time. The concert must’ve let out, and Julie’s probably standing there, feeling totally abandoned. But why was Nico here? Why wasn’t she on her way to the next city, or signing autographs for adoring fans?

Karolina ducked behind the end cap filled with every flavor and shape of Cheetos imaginable, trying not to make any sounds. She watched as Nico walked straight back to the fridge containing the energy drinks. Karolina was far too aware of how close they were, and needed to slip out of here as quickly as possible. But before she could make it to the next aisle, she slipped in a puddle by the beer fridge and found herself buried in bags of Doritos and Bugles.

She soon heard foot steps, and looked up to find Nico, mouth gaping, unable to form any intelligible thoughts. And in that moment, Karolina moved faster than Chester Cheetah himself. She pushed passed Nico and into the cool evening air. But before she could make it down the block, she heard that earth shattering ding.

“Karolina... I... It was you.” She hadn’t heard her name in that cadence in so long. It was barely above a whisper, but it felt like a full body experience. She couldn’t bring herself to turn around, to give her the blue eyes she looked for in every city, to give her the next chorus of a song.

So she kept walking, trying to prove to herself that moving on started with moving forward. Suddenly she heard the jogging of foot steps, and felt two hands catch her on either side, like they were bracing for impact. It felt so tense and technical, so foreign, so different than how Nico’s touch used to feel. Like they were two strangers trying to steady themselves before the collision. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Karolina, please just look at me.” Karolina looked down, unable to make eye contact. Her eyes burned from the tears she had yet to shed.

“Fuck off, Nico.” Her voice sounded more pointed than she expected, and she was so thankful that it hadn’t betrayed her, made her seem soft. She shook off the two hands gripping her arms and kept moving.

“You came to my show Karolina! You can’t blame me for the hurt you feel right now.” And that was the statement that pushed her over the edge. She turned toward her, but stood as still as a statue. She was scared that if she moved any closer, she would be pulled back into Nico’s orbit. 

“You know what Nico, tell yourself whatever you need to to fall asleep tonight. Use this totally earth shattering moment as the inspiration for a new song that you can sing to swooning girls across the country. But don’t you dare tell me that the pain I’ve felt everyday for the past 3 years was caused by anyone other than you. You may be writing it, but I’m surviving it.”

She pivoted around on her heels and briskly walked back to the venue, where she saw a perplexed Julie furiously tapping on her phone.

“Hey! Hey! I’m so sorry.” Julie’s face was plastered with concern as she came jogging up. And then all of a sudden it changed, formed into a look of shock.

“Nico Minoru! Hi! It’s so night to finally meet you.” All of a sudden, Julie was side stepping her gaze. Karolina looked back, to find Nico only a few feet behind her.

“My name is Julie. I work in A&R at Silent Sister.” Karolina prayed for her lucky stars that Nico didn’t say anything stupid. Anything in the realm of ‘Hey, just trying to have a soul crushing conversation with my ex here.’

But clearly she had put two and two together as she watched Karolina slide her hand into Julie’s. She could see a flash of pain, maybe a hint of jealousy, across Nico’s face, but she tried not to read too far into it. How could she anyway? She didn’t really know Nico anymore.

“Hey, yeah.... It’s great to meet you. I think I’ve been in talks with Logan over there. Nice guy...” She could tell Nico was anxious. She could tell she was ready to run. Why hadn’t she noticed that look the night before Nico left? It seemed so clear now since the guileful fog of self preservation dissipated. All that was left was the unadulterated, uncontaminated, undiluted image of a girl she thought she knew, but was maybe just a dream her mind concocted. 

“Yeah, he’s great. I’d love to show you around the office sometime and maybe take you for a coffee?” Julie’s voice pulled her out of her own head. Her statement sounded more like a question, and Nico glanced at Karolina for the answer.

Karolina stared down at her shoes, trying to keep her breathing even. She couldn’t meet Nico’s gaze, couldn’t give her a window into the inner turmoil she was currently feeling.

“Yeah, you know what... That sounds great. I’ll have my manager, Victor, email you and set something up.” Nico turned back towards Julie and shook her hand. “I’ll be in town for the next month to finish up the new album. So we can definitely find some time.” A whole fucking month?... Great.

Julie handed Nico her business card and told her to be in touch, and just like that, the most awkward and tense moment of Karolina’s adult life was over. She watched Nico disappear into the shadows, and tried to ignore how much that stung some piece of her that she had buried so deep, she had forgotten it was there.

“What the fuck was that, Karolina?!” Julie rarely swore, and it caught her completely off guard. “You just up and disappeared. I thought you were kidnapped!”

“Julie, I am so unbelievably sorry, but I think we need to have a talk...”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karolina finally tells Julie about her ex.
> 
> Julie and Nico have a chat and try to find common ground.

Once they got back to her apartment, Karolina sat Julie on her bed and knelt in front of her.

“So you may be wondering why I was acting so weird tonight...” Julie gave her a sarcastic look, as if that was the biggest understatement of the century. “I haven’t been totally honest with you about my past...”

Julie didn’t speak, she just gently rubbed the top of Karolina’s hand. Even after how Karolina acted this evening, she was still finding micro ways to comfort her. And it made Karolina hate herself even more.

“When I was younger, I was head over heals in love with this girl. We grew up together. We were best friends. We did everything together... I thought she was my soulmate.” Karolina looked down at their knotted fingers, and tried to will away the all consuming ache of tears she had yet to shed.

“We were together for 5 years. We did the whole thing; lived together, planned a life together, talked about getting married and having kids. I thought she was it for me.” She took a big breath, and ignored the burning feeling of Julie’s eyes on her.

“One night, without warning, she packed her bags and never came back. Never called. Never wrote. Never said goodbye... Nothing.” And now the tears were starting to fall, and she tried to take deep breaths to stop herself from completely sobbing.

“That girl was Nico...” She felt Julie drop her hand and jump to her feet. A movement that was both so quick, and yet so clumsy, that it completely jostled Karolina’s train of thought.

“You mean to tell me that I took you to the concert of the ex love of your life...” Julie was shaking her head and pacing from one side of the apartment to the other. Admittedly, the apartment wasn’t very big, so Karolina was worried that she was going to start wearing trenches into the floor. “ Oh my god! YOU’RE BLUE EYED GIRL! I’m such a fucking idiot...”

“Julie! No! You’re not an idiot. I should’ve been honest with you about my past, but I was scared.” The words escaped her mouth as if they had their own fight or flight instinct, and they were certainly leaning more towards flight at this current moment. 

“Scared?! Why?! Because you’re still in love with her?!”

“No! Of course not! I’m in love with you Julie, only you.” And that statement tasted so bitter coming out of her mouth.

“Did you leave the venue to meet her somewhere?! Karolina... Do not lie to me about this.” 

“Of course not! I just have the worst luck known to man.” She tried grabbing Julie’s hands, tried pulling her back into rational thought. “I had to get out of there, so I went to the bodega down the street. But I hadn’t kept track of time, and all of a sudden we were face to face.”

Julie stopped mid stride and let Karolina pull her a little closer. She met her gaze, and Karolina could see tears in her eyes. Fuck.

“You may not still be in love with her, but she’s still in love with you... I saw it written all over her face.” 

“I don’t care how she feels about me. I’m committed to you now. I hope you know that...” She could see a flash of relief in Julie’s eyes, and all of a sudden, she was pulling Karolina into her arms. “Julie, I am so so sorry. I don’t deserve it, but could you ever forgive me?”

“Unfortunately, I think I already have...” She kissed the side of Karolina’s head and breathed in the smell of her shampoo. “Everyone’s been asking who the muse of the great Nico Minoru is, and I’m holding her in my arms... I don’t even know how to fully process that.”

“I’m not her muse... We haven’t even spoken to each other in 3 years, Jules...”

“You haven’t listened to her album at all, have you?”

“Call it self preservation, but I didn’t think listening to my ex’s album was the best for my mental health...” 

“All I’ll say is this; now I know why I can’t get you off my mind when I listen to it.”

_____________________________________________

It had been a week since Karolina’s two worlds collided, and she was finding it very hard to separate them. Much to her dismay, Julie’s boss wanted her to be the one to convince Nico to sign with them. He wanted her to take Nico out on the town, be her buddy, do whatever it took to convince her that Secret Sister was the best choice.

“Hey K... I hate myself for even asking this.... But how does Nico take her coffee?” Karolina didn’t want to be the unabridged encyclopedia of her ex, but Julie had been so incredibly patient with her, and she owed her this.

“Black. Like her soul.” Julie chuckled at the blonde’s delivery and kissed her on the cheek.

“I’m headed into the office. I get to have the thrilling task of wining and dining your ex.” Karolina bit the inside of her cheek and tried not to seem too annoyed by that comment. Julie could tell, and pulled Karolina into a tight hug. 

“I know this is awkward for you, and even more unbelievably awkward for me, but once Nico signs that dotted line, she’s out of our lives forever.” That is until Karolina has to see her at number one celebrations and Christmas parties...

Julie got into the office early with two hot coffees in her hands. She nervously flipped through emails on her phone until she got the alert from the lobby that Nico had arrived. She took a deep breath and rode the elevator downstairs, where she found the petite girl sitting on the leather sofa, flipping through a 2 year old copy of People magazine that she must’ve grabbed from the coffee table, and trying not to make eye contact until she absolutely had to.

“Did you know that Jennifer Anniston is still hung up on Brad Pit, and that they have a secret love child together?” Nico met Julie’s gaze, and she heard Julie let out a tense chuckle. 

“And here I was thinking those magazines were only for show.... It’s good to see you again.” Nico nodded in agreement and shook Julie’s hand. “Nico, I gotta be honest with you. I know why the other night was so awkward.”

Nico let out big sigh and bit the inside of her cheek. It reminded her so much of Karolina’s nervous habit, but she tried to bury that to the back of her mind. 

“Listen Julie, I’m not a home wrecker. I want to keep this totally and completely professional.” She could tell Nico was anxious and completely out of her element. I mean it’s not every day that you have a business meeting with your muse’s new girlfriend. “I don’t know how much Karolina has told you about me. What I do know is that I hurt her in ways that I can never forgive myself for. I lost my way, and in that process, lost her too. And now, all I want is for her to be happy. So if you’re the person that puts a smile on her face, I am not going to be the person to take that away. I will not be the source of anymore of her pain.”

Julie took a deep breath and tried to process all of this overwhelming information. 

“Nico, the past is the past. I’m not here to judge you for your short comings in your love life. I actually think those are probably why we have this meeting today. You needed that heart break to make one of the most brilliant albums I’ve heard in a long time. So I will keep this professional as long as you can.” Julie said what she had to say to get through this meeting, but she couldn’t shake the image of the girl in front of her. It was written all over Nico’s face. It didn’t matter how much time passed, she was in love with Karolina.

They spent the rest of the morning discussing Nico’s next record. It was almost finished, so it would remain an independent project, but Julie tried to sell her on the amount of money they could put behind promotion and touring. 

By the end of the day, they were joking and building rapport. Julie could see why Karolina fell in love with this girl. She was charming and sincere, and totally unaware of the effect she had on people. She was sarcastic and funny, and seemed to juxtapose Karolina’s personality perfectly. She was so different from Julie, and she couldn’t ignore the pain in her chest knowing that if Karolina met Julie and Nico for the first time today, she would choose Nico. She would always choose Nico.

“Hey... I don’t know what you and uh... Karolina are doing tonight, but there’s this bar across town that my friend is hosting an open mic at. Might be fun?” Julie snapped out of her insecure head space and began running through a list of all the reasons this would be a terrible idea. But her boss said to do anything she had to to get Nico to sign, so she didn’t really feel like she had a choice.

“Yeah, that sounds awesome!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve prewritten a decent amount of this, so I will be trying to put out 2 chapters a day as long as I can.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some big emotions in this chapter.

“You what?!” Now it was Karolina’s turn to pace around her apartment. “Julie, there’s no way I’m going to watch sad people play folk tunes with you and Nico.”

“Babe, I’m so sorry, but I couldn’t really say no. This could be a big deal for the label...” Karolina rolled her eyes and then proceeded to massage her temples. She took a minute to compose herself before finally giving Julie her answer.

“I’m only doing this because I love you...” She huffed. She couldn’t say no to Julie when she was the one who practically wrecked their relationship in one night.

___________________________________________

As Karolina got ready for the evening, she decided she needed to debrief with Gert.

“So you may be on to something with that whole, ‘the universe is out to get me,’ thing.” Karolina nervously pulled at her split ends as she waited for her curling iron to heat up.

“What happened?” Gert asked in an unsurprised, almost mocking tone.

“I have the pleasure of being the third wheel to a Julie/Nico open mic night.” She heard a small gasp at the other end of the line. 

“And you told Julie about your history?! I thought for sure she’d go running for the hills...”

“Gert, that is zero percent helpful.” But if she was being honest, she had thought the same thing. Hence the Nico sized secret.

“I’m sorry, I just thought the whole soulmates thing would scare her off...”

“I mean, we’re not soulmates, Gert. I thought we were, but things are different now, and I’m happy with Julie.” She heard Gert sigh, like she was about to say something earth shattering, but decided to keep it to herself.

“All I’m saying is... if you love Julie like you say you do, please be careful.” She knew the statement was valid, but she couldn’t help the annoyance building up in her chest. I mean, how could she expect her best friend to trust her, if she didn’t even fully trust herself. 

“Gert, Nico and I have had one, very awkward, very tense conversation. We’re strangers. Her heart is different now and so is mine.” Karolina felt like she was lying to both Gert and herself. 

“You really haven’t listened to her album at all,” she heard Gert exhale on the end of the line.

“I wish everyone would stop saying that... A bunch of songs about her missing some girl that we haven’t even properly confirmed is me, doesn’t mean anything... She probably wrote that album years ago.” And god, she hoped that wasn’t true. Selfishly, she wanted every one of those perfectly placed, intricately picked words to be about her. To be for her.

_________________________________________

Karolina finished getting ready in silence. She did her best to ignore the nagging thoughts buzzing around her head. She knew tonight was a bad idea, but a small, very ashamed part of her was excited to see Nico again. She told herself it was just to get closure, but deep down, she knew.

Julie’s signature knock reverberated around her small apartment, and she was yanked from her own head.

“Hey beautiful.” Julie pulled her in for a hug and pecked her on the cheek.

“Hi there, let me just grab my keys and we can go.”

They rode the subway across town. Karolina was fidgeting with her hand, and Julie took this as her cue to grab one and rub hearts on the inside of it with her thumb. She looked over at Karolina, trying to translate whatever far away look took residence on her face. The carefree smile she fell in love with must’ve been evicted. And she wanted to hate Nico for creating this tense dynamic, but she couldn’t. It would feel too much like hating a very important, almost integral, piece of Karolina, and she had no idea why.

When they finally made it to the bar, it was almost empty. There were a couple regulars camped out on some distressed, leather stools, watching whatever was playing on the muted TVs. But other than that, it was dead.

Karolina scanned the room for Nico, but didn’t see the petite girl anywhere. She felt a confused mix of emotions ranging from relieved to somewhat disappointed. She needed something to take the edge off and headed to the bar, as Julie went to check out the makeshift stage at the corner of the room.

“Vodka soda, please.”

“Man, some things never change.” She practically jumped as Nico slid on to the bar stool beside her.

“And some things really do.” Karolina jabbed, trying to catch the breath Nico stole away. She watched as Nico tore at a damp napkin, unable to make eye contact with her.

“Julie’s great, by the way. I uh... I have to say... it takes a big person to make your girlfriend’s ex feel welcome.” Karolina let out a small breath and sipped at the vodka soda she just received.

“Julie’s incredible. I’m so unbelievably lucky to be with her.” Nico seemed to wince at those words, but quickly regained her composure. “What will you be drinking this evening?”

“I um... well... I don’t really drink anymore.” This was new information to Karolina. The Nico she knew never turned down a cold beer or a whiskey on the rocks. “Hey, I would really love to ca-...” But before Nico could get the words out, she heard a loud buzzing noise and then a male’s voice boom through the speakers.

“Hi everyone! My name is Alex. I put on these open mics every month. The ground rules are pretty simple here. You are welcome to perform whatever you may like, and my buddy Mike can accompany anyone who doesn’t play an instrument.”

“You should do it. You have the most beautiful voice, if memory serves me right...” Nico whispered in Karolina’s ear, and she could smell the intoxicating aroma of lemon grass and teakwood. Clearly her perfume hadn’t changed, as well as her overwhelming effect she had on Karolina. She clenched her jaw, and did her best to focus on a picture on the wall behind the bar. Anything to try and stop this dizzy feeling that Nico induced.

Julie waltzed over to them, and put her arm around Karolina. It made her feel like she was being claimed, and she absolutely hated it.

“Nico! Thank you for inviting us. I think this will be fun.” Nico nodded and then turned her attention to the large man on stage playing Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton. Karolina found herself locking her eyes on the performer as well. The song was definitely out of his vocal range, and his delivery was confused and awkward, but anything sounded better than small talk with her ex. 

After a couple more brave souls got up there, Julie slid off the stool next to Karolina and wandered over to the stage. Karolina watched as she whispered something to the guitar player, and then took her place in front of the mic. At this point, she could tell Julie was tipsy, and to be completely honest, so was she.

“Hi guys! My name is Julie, and this one goes out to my beautiful girlfriend, Karolina.” Karolina bit at the tiny stirring straws in her drink and tried to ignore Nico in her peripheral view.

“I’ve been watching you for sometime. Can’t stop staring at those ocean eyes...” Julie kept solid eye contact with her, but it didn’t feel romantic at all. It felt desperate and forced.

“Wow... I haven’t listened to Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish since we were together. Always reminded me of you...” Karolina tensed at Nico’s statement, a mix of anger and stinging nostalgia flaring up in her chest.

She tried to keep her eyes forward, as she watched Julie give a very passionate and somewhat misguided performance of this song. But all she could think about was Nico waking her up in the early hours of the morning, whispering this song quietly as she gently drew her closer. It used to be her favorite way to be pulled from sleep, but now the lyrics felt more like the dialogue of a nightmare.

“I’m scareddddd. I’ve never fallen from quite this high, falling into your ocean eyes.” Julie gave Karolina a confident smile, and sauntered off the stage like she had won some contest. Like she had beat Nico at her own game. And it annoyed Karolina more than it should.

She wasn’t sure what came over her, but she found herself sliding off the bar stool, and passing Julie to the stage. She wasn’t sure if it was the drinks or the two beautiful, yet infuriating, women vying for her attention, but she felt like she had something to say.

“Hi, um, my name is Karolina, and I’m going to sing a song by the great Julien Baker. It has gotten me through a lot.” She took in a big breath and nodded at Mike to begin.

“I know you’re sleeping by now. I’m still up walkin’ around. Walls of my skull bend backwards, in like a labyrinth.” She studied Julie’s kind face and supportive smile, trying to remember how to breathe. 

“I knew I was wastin’ my time. Keep myself awake at night. Whenever I close my eyes, I’m chasin’ your tail lights.” She felt her eyes move to Nico, almost like the force of a magnet. And all of a sudden, Julien Baker’s words felt more like her own. They slipped from her tongue like a reckless river of consciousness, drowning everyone else out but her and Nico. 

“I know you left hours ago, I still haven’t moved yet. I knew you were gone months ago, but I can’t think of anyone else.” She could see Nico’s jaw clenching, her facial expression unreadable. 

“And I just let the silence swallow me up. The ring in my ears tastes like blood. Askin’ aloud why you’re leavin’, but the pavement won’t answer me.” Karolina took a deep breath and pushed away the sting of tears in her eyes.

“I know I meant nothing, nothing to you. But I thought I meant something, something, something. But I just said nothing, said nothing, said nothing. Sat and watched you drive away...” She delivered this chorus with such frustrated force, that the honesty seemed to knock the wind out of Nico’s lungs. She needed Nico to know the suffocating, and all consuming ache that followed her like a shadow. That slipped in an out of empty subway cars and quiet taxi rides. Always striking with the same question: Why wasn’t I good enough?

“I can’t think of anyone, anyone else. I can’t think of anyone, anyone else. I won’t think of anyone, anyone else.” She finished the song with a juxtaposing quietness that likely gave everyone in the room whiplash. It took her a minute to find her footing back in a reality where it wasn’t just her and Nico’s unwavering eye contact. She sheepishly walked back to the bar, unsure of what universe that moment was even supposed to exist in.

Julie stared blankly at her, clearly still trying to figure out what just happened during that performance.

“Karolina... What did I just-“ but before she could finish her sentence, she heard Nico’s voice all around her. She turned back towards the stage as Nico introduced herself.

“Hey, my name is Nico Minoru. I just wanted to thank my buddy Alex for putting on an amazing evening.” She glanced over at him quickly, clearly trying to cut the tension in the room. “I write and perform songs for a living... Which is pretty cool... But you see, there was this girl that I was head over heels in love with. And I fucked up, and I was a coward, and I left without a word... Anyway... I’ve never found the right words to say what I need to say, quite like this one song by Ed Sheeran. Would you mind if I played it for you?” The audience had begun to fill up, and Karolina recognized some Nico fans from the other night. She heard one scream ‘yes’ across the room, giving Nico the go ahead she was looking for. She grabbed the guitar from Mike, and began playing a solemn couple of notes.

“Walking down 29th and Park, I saw you in another’s arms. Only a month we’ve been apart. You look happier.” Nico intensely stares into Karolina’s eyes like this song was supposed be the answer to every question she’s had for the past 3 years.

“Saw you walk inside a bar. She said something to make you laugh. I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours. Yeah, you look happier, you do.” Her fingers moved so fluidly around the fret board of the guitar, like she had been practicing this song everyday for this very moment. 

“Ain’t nobody hurt you like I hurt you, but ain’t nobody love you like I do. Promise that I will not take it personal, baby, if you’re moving on with someone new.” Karolina gritted her teeth and wiped the stray tear that had escaped down her cheek. As Nico made it into the second chorus, she took a deep breath.

“Ain’t nobody hurt you like I hurt you, but ain’t nobody need you like I do. I know that there’s others that deserve you, but my darling, I am still in love with you.” Nico sang this with a conviction that took the air out of Karolina’s lungs. The raw honesty in her voice made all her other doubts feel like lies. And she hated how much her heart just wanted to believe Nico, wanted to believe that she really missed her and loved her and wanted the best for her. 

“Baby, you look happier, you do. I knew one day you’d fall for someone new. But if she breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that I’ll be waiting here for you.” 

Karolina knew she just had to get out of that room. She broke their steady eye contact, and pulled her hand away from Julie. She couldn’t breath. Couldn’t think.   
She was too buzzed to know how to respond rationally. Too intoxicated by the overwhelming dose of Nico.

Before she could make it out the door, she felt a firm hand grab her arm and spin her around.

“Karolina... whoa, whoa, whoa... Slow down.” She was suddenly face to face with Nico, just inches apart. Her cheeks were a soft pink, and her eyes wild. If Karolina made one wrong move, their lips would be touching, and everything she had built with Julie would be gone. 

“I can’t do this, Nico. Not now. It’s too late... You’re too late...” She pulled away and ran out of the bar into the cool evening air. There was a hipster couple sharing a cigarette by the door, but other than that, the street was oddly deserted. She knew Julie wouldn’t be far behind her, but she didn’t have the heart to face her right now. She knew she would need an explanation of what just happened, and to be perfectly honest, she didn’t have one.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment Karolina has been dreading and waiting for at the same time. The confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!
> 
> Get ready for an emotional chapter. This one might be my favorite so far.

“Nico, what the actual fuck?” Julie snapped Nico’s attention back to the room.

“Julie, I am so sorry... I just got swept up in everything.” But it all felt like cheap excuses. “You know what? No. I’m tired of pretending that Karolina doesn’t mean absolutely everything to me. I thought I had to give her up for my career. And you said it’s probably why I was able to write that album, but I would give it all up; the career, the record deal, the money, if it meant that I could have my life with her back.” Julie’s eyes were glazed over with tears, and she could barely look at Nico.

“Nico, you made her feel like she meant absolutely nothing to you. You snuck out of your apartment like she was some one night stand. She will never forgive you for that.” Julie’s tone was icy and sharp. She wanted her words to physically hurt Nico as much as she had hurt Karolina, as much as she had inadvertently hurt her.

“And she has every right to never forgive me. But if you love her like you say you do, wouldn’t you want to know you’re her first choice?” She knew her words were cruel, but she didn’t really care about the consequences anymore. “Listen... Julie... I just need to talk to her. After that, if she chooses you, she chooses you. I’ll be out of your lives forever.” All of a sudden, Julie slipped over to the bar, and came back with a napkin folded in half.

“I love her enough to let her go... Do you?” Nico opened the napkin to see an address scribbled on it, Julie’s words still ringing in her ears. 

_____________________________________________

Karolina laid on her bed sobbing. She didn’t need Gert’s told you so right now. She didn’t need Julie’s questions and confusion. She didn’t really know what she needed. And then she heard a small knock on the door.

She opened it to find a very anxious Nico holding a wilting bouquet of lilies (her favorite) and a bar napkin.

“Karolina, before you slam this door in my face, please just hear me out.” Karolina gripped the edge of the door, then wordlessly opened it wider. She slid off to the side, giving Nico the room to come in. Karolina’s eyes were puffy and red, her nose a soft pink, probably raw from tissues. “Have you been crying?... God Kar, I swore to myself that I would never make you cry again. So much for that....”

“Not everything’s about you, Nico.” Karolina said cold and curt. “But since we are on the topic of you, let’s start here. Why did you leave? Why didn’t you say something? Why was I left alone to pick up all the pieces? Why wasn’t I enough?” Karolina’s hands began to shake, and she could feel the slow wave of sobs forming in her chest. It felt like she couldn’t stop it all from pouring out. This moment of crystal clear bravery making itself known through sharp words and unanswered questions.

“Karolina, no. Don’t you dare say that. You were everything and more. I left because I was a selfish moron who thought I had to choose between love and my career. And I chose wrong.” Karolina couldn’t look at her. She knew Nico was telling the truth, but 3 years worth of anger and confusion and sadness doesn’t just dissipate because of one love song and a stupid speech about regret.

“I blamed myself for everything when you left... I felt like I held on too tight, suffocated you. Like maybe we moved in too fast... I wanted to hate you, but just ended up hating myself...” She could tell Nico wanted to say something, but couldn’t find the right words. It agitated Karolina even more. She walked into her bedroom and pulled open her sock drawer, rummaging around for the little velvet box she had been carrying around since before Nico left. “I bought you a fucking ring.” She walked back into the living room and slid it across the coffee table, hoping it would prompt some response other than confused silence.

Nico closed her eyes and took a deep breath, a single tear falling down her cheek. Karolina rarely saw her cry, and it made her heart ache in a way that it hadn’t in a long time. This hurricane of emotions felt like it had the capabilities of destroying everything in its wake. And that single tear felt like the thunderstorm that started it all. 

“I know it’s easy for you to say that you regret it all when I’m standing right in front of you. When it’s the most convenient for you. But you had 3 years to reach out. 3 years to call my number, it hasn’t changed. You had 3 years to show up at my door step and tell me you wanted me and our life together.” Karolina took a deep breath and stepped back, feeling like her words were now occupying most of the room. “But you didn’t.” She could tell Nico needed a moment to process everything. The air in the room was thick, and the silence spoke louder than the words themselves.

“I know none of this makes much sense. There were so many times after I left where I wanted to reach out and apologize for everything... Try to make it right... But I kept imagining you waking up that morning and finding me gone... The type of pain that must’ve caused... and all of the confusion... And I was scared that if I came back into your life, I would cause that type of pain again.” She saw Nico flinch like she could physically feel the 3 years worth of regret and agony. “And then as time passed, and the longer I was away, I knew you would start to move on, and I wanted that for you, I really did! I wanted you to find a girl like Julie to fix everything I broke. To give you the life you deserved. To be steady, and dependable. To give you the ring and the babies and the white picket fence.” Nico wiped her eyes and took in a big breath. But at this point, any semblance of self preservation was lost. “And then I saw you at my show, with her, and it felt like I was suffocating. Like every other choice I made in my life didn’t matter, if it meant that I wasn’t the girl holding your hand at the end of the night...” She looked down at the ring sitting in front of her on the coffee table and reached for it with shakey hands. She opened it to find an oval cut black diamond surrounded by tiny white diamonds. “God, this ring is perfect, and so unbelievably us.”

“Read the inscription.” Karolina said softly, trying not to let her voice pierce through the most honest moment she and Nico had had in years. Nico pulled it out of the small velvet box, and inspected the inside of the ring until she found the engraving.

I Lamp You

Nico had first told Karolina she loved her when they were 16. She was so nervous and choked up, as they lay in Karolina’s twin sized bed, staring at the glow in the dark stick on stars on the ceiling, that she accidentally said ‘I lamp you’ instead. And after that, it was always their silly, stupid, inside joke. 

“Karolina....”

“You don’t have to say anything... It’s probably for the best.” She sighed and pulled the ring from her hands. She gave it a quick once over before sliding it back into the box and shutting the top. “But Nico... I would’ve never made you choose between me and your career. I knew how important it was to you, and I would’ve never stood in the way. You made that choice.” Silence and tension filled the room, feeling like the ghosts of all the words that were spoken, and all the words that have yet to be said.

“You know, if you asked me to marry you right now, I would. I’d do a quickie court house wedding, or take you to a romantic, foreign country, or throw a big party with all of our friends. I know you would never make me choose, but I need you to know, if these few years have taught me anything, it’s that I would choose you. In every version of this existence, I would always choose you.” Nico was so unwaveringly serious, that it made Karolina dizzy. “God... If me three years ago knew that you could’ve been my wife, I would’ve done everything differently.”

“But you didn’t... And this ring isn’t some bargaining chip. It isn’t some weapon to make you feel guilty. It is the only proof I have that there was some version of me that was capable of loving so deeply that she could promise forever.” She could tell Nico wanted to say something, but her heart, and body, and soul couldn’t take anymore. “I think I’ve heard enough for the evening. I just need to be alone right now.”

And as much as it broke Nico’s heart, she let Karolina show her to the door. It was the first time in this universe that her leaving was Karolina’s choice, and she hated herself for it. She hated herself for putting the girl she loved in that position.

“I lamp you, Kar.” Nico pressed a soft kiss to Karolina’s cheek and then slipped out the door and into the night. Leaving Karolina to wonder if it will always hurt this bad watching her go.

_____________________________________________

“Hey K, I know we probably have a lot to talk about, seeing as you spent the evening with Julie and the bane of your heart’s existence, but Chase and I are late to brunch with Molly, and I...”

“Nico told me she would marry me right now if I asked.” She heard Gert choke and sputter on the other end of the line. Then she heard an impatient Chase begging Gert to find her shoes so they could leave.

“HOLD ON, CHASE! KAROLINA AND NICO MAY OR MAY NOT BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW!”

“Whoaaaaa, nope. I definitely didn’t propose last night. Just cried my eyes out and threw that engagement ring at her.”

“You don’t still have that ring, do you?! Karolina! I thought you sold it before you left for New York!” She could hear the disappointment in Gert’s voice, but she just never had the heart to get rid of it. “K... Don’t you think that maybe that means something? I mean I’m not exactly team Nico, since she did smash your heart into teeny tiny pieces that I swear to god I’m still finding splinters of... But that girl loves you. I never told you, because I knew you were just trying to move on, but every one of those songs on her album are about you. She even named one ‘Lamp’, which literally makes no sense to anyone but you and her.” Karolina gritted her teeth and fought the urge to argue back. “You were always looking for some secret message from Nico after she left. Maybe that was her stupid, naive, dip-shit love letter to you.” 

“I don’t even care at this point... She should’ve done better. She should’ve fought for us. But she was a coward...”

“How did it even get to this point? What happened at the bar? How is Julie doing?” Gert rapid fired questions off, and Karolina didn’t even know where to begin.

“Well, Julie got up and sang ‘Ocean Eyes’, which was really sweet. But Nico had to go and ruin it by saying that song reminded her of me.” Gert waited patiently, trying not to interrupt Karolina. “So me being buzzed and not thinking rationally, I got up there and sang ‘Something’ by Julien Baker...”

“Karolina...No... You can’t even listen to that song without crying!”

“Yeah, well it started off fine, and then my eyes met Nico’s and it was game over...” All of a sudden, the other end of the line sounded echoey, and she was sure it was because Gert put it on speaker phone so Chase could hear. “And in response, Nico made some speech about how she fucked up with this girl she loved, and that this song reminded her of that.... And then she proceeded to sing Happier by Ed Sheeran.... Also, hi Chase, hope my love life is interesting to you...” She heard a cough on the other end of line, clearly embarrassed that they had been caught.

“Hey Kar... I know the love advice is usually Gert’s thing... But you know Nico and I have been close since pre-school...” Nico and Chase were so different, but it’s what made them such good friends. Even though no one had taken Nico’s leaving as hard as her, Chase was a close second. “Six months after she left, she called me to check in. She wanted to make sure you were alright. And I never told you about any of this, because she made me promise not to, but also because I didn’t want to fuck up the progress you had made. After that, she would call me to catch up every couple of months, but I always knew it was about you. She never asked where you were or what your relationship status was, but she always asked me one question; If you were happy...” She heard Chase’s voice get shaky, and then quiet, reaffirming whispers from Gert telling him it was okay. “I’m sure you’re super pissed at me, but I had to tell you. Nico always cared. She always wanted the best for you, and she believed that the best wasn’t her.”

Karolina sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to remember what life was like before she constantly felt like she was on the verge of a heartbreak panic attack. 

“Chase... I’m not mad. I get why you withheld that information from me. I’m actually thankful for that...” She took a deep breath and studied the hardwood floor under her feet. “I probably never would’ve moved on if I had known that she still cared about my wellbeing in some way.” She heard Chase take a relieved breath as he handed the phone back to Gert.

“Hey again. As much as I would love to talk to you for the next 12 hours and psychoanalyze every part of your deteriorating love life, we really have to meet Molly for brunch. You know how she gets when she’s hangry...”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, go have fun. Tell Molly I love her!”

“But, Karolina, I promise this conversation is not over. I love you. I’ll talk to you later.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie lets go, Karolina gains clarity, and Nico reveals her true intentions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another pretty vulnerable chapter. Let me know what you think!

“Julie..... I’m so sorry.”

It was now early afternoon, and Julie was standing on her doorstep, barely able to make eye contact. She knew she should have reached out to her, especially after her conversation with Nico, but she hadn’t fully processed everything that was said and everything that she felt (and was currently feeling).

“Last night... The way you looked at her... You have never looked at me like that.” Her voice was shaky, each syllable feeling like a question mark. She wasn’t used to seeing Julie anything other than confident and self assured. “You are in love with her...”

Karolina knew she should argue back, knew that Julie needed to hear that last night was a drunken mistake. That it meant nothing. That her conversation with Nico was the closure she needed to move on. But all of her lies and misguided truths were the reason she was looking at the broken girl in front of her. The reason that her heart couldn’t commit in the ways Julie needed it to.

“Jules... I need you to know that I love you. That you are sunshine and sweetness and everything good in this world.” She pulled Julie’s chin up so their blue eyes could meet, each with a misty quality that exposed the truth behind Karolina’s words. “Everything that I don’t deserve.”

“Kar, don’t. We both know that you don’t need more warmth... more sunshine... You need her... I wanted to be the one to make you happy. And I guess I was for a little while. But she came in here like an eclipse, and I never realized how much you needed the moon.” Karolina had never thought about it like that. Had never realized how similar she and Julie were, and how much Nico was the antithesis of her. She balanced her in a way that no one else seemed to. 

It explained why, even after all this time, being around Nico felt so natural. So essential to every part of her soul. And this realization frustrated her so deeply that it made her bones ache. 

“I love you, Julie...” 

“I just wish that was enough.” She kissed Karolina on the cheek, but it didn’t burn the way Nico’s had the night before. “I wish our something was your everything. But we both know better.”

Letting Julie walk away felt like the first kindness she had paid the girl since Nico came back into her life. As much as she wanted to fight it, she couldn’t argue with fate. She couldn’t deny the composition of her soul.

She pulled out her phone and wrote one simple text message. She prayed that the number was still the same, but if Nico yearned for her like she says she has, she would never be able to change the only form of potential contact they had.

You. Me. Dinner. You have one chance. Do not fuck this up.

Not even a moment later the typing bubble appeared.

Name the place. I’m yours.

The message was short and to the point, but that last sentence had her mind racing. Two simple words that she was begging her heart to not read too much into. But god, somewhere in her soul, she wanted that to be true. She wanted to hear Nico say she was hers in every sense of the word.

_____________________________________________

Karolina chose a restaurant close to her apartment, one that she frequented quite regularly. She knew it was a risk taking Nico here, knowing that their time together could potentially ruin another place that was very important to her. But she had to start trusting her if they were going to potentially be anything.... something... everything.... She shook her head and tried to push Julie’s words away.

This was just dinner, she assured herself. Dinner to get answers and to see where both of them stood without romantic cover songs and too many vodka sodas (at least on her end). She arrived first, by her own design. She told Nico to meet her a half an hour later. This gave Karolina the chance to sit down and compose herself. Pre-form all the thoughts and questions that needed to be said. She was not going to get caught off guard this time. If she and Nico were going to work in any capacity, Karolina had to gain back some semblance of control.

The restaurant was a dark hole in the wall in the depths of Brooklyn. She was seated by the window, a simple tea light candle illuminating the table. She hoped the flickering shadows would throw Nico off. Make her insubordinate facial expressions harder to read. Control. I just need control.

She dressed up for this. As much as she hated herself while getting ready, she wanted Nico to take one look at her and question every decision she had made. She knew it was petty, maybe a little manipulative, but she needed to see in Nico’s eyes that she still had an impact on her. 

She wore a flowy, rose gold colored dress, with lines of sparkly silver accents running down it. It hugged her in all the right places, accentuating that parts of her that Nico use to love. That use to make her tongue tied. She wore her hair down, loose blonde waves framing her face, a messy braid falling down her back. Her make up was soft and simple, making her eyes glow in away that showed all of her natural beauty. And as much as she felt like maybe Nico didn’t deserve to see her like this, she also knew that if this was the last time they ever came face to face, she wanted to know this was the image that Nico would not be able to get out of her head. The image of what she gave up.

Nico arrived 10 minutes early, something Karolina clocked in her mind. She wore a lose fitting white button up shirt, unbuttoned down to her chest. It was tucked into fitted black slacks, and her sleeves where rolled up to her forearms. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, and she wore her signature black eye liner, but kept it natural everywhere else. She looked incredible, and Karolina couldn’t keep her eyes off of her as she approached the table. 

Karolina stood up as Nico walked towards her, not quite sure what to do with her hands or really any of her other appendages. Her heart pounded against her chest, and she quickly realized that no matter how long she prepared for this evening, she would never truly be ready.

“Karolina, you look... breathtaking.” Nico shook her head in disbelief, and it made Karolina’s face burn. She wanted to respond with a similar sentiment, but something stopped her. Something so deep in her telling her that Nico couldn’t be trusted with the most vulnerable parts of her.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” Nico’s face became flushed, and they both stood there next to their chairs looking like awe-struck idiots. 

“Hey... Can I get you guys something to drink?” A confused, floppy haired boy broke them from their trance, and they both quickly took their seats.

“Hey... Uh... yeah, can I get a seltzer water and....” Nico motioned for him to come in closer, and whispered something in his ear. Before Karolina could even say anything, he slipped away from their table and over to the bar.

“What was that about?” 

“You’ll see.” Nico quirked her eyebrow up in the way that Karolina always used to love. It broke the awkward tension, and reminded Karolina that they weren’t strangers. That there was a time where Nico was hers, may have always been hers.

The floppy haired waiter power walked back to the table with a silver bucket of ice that had a champagne bottle resting in it. “This is our finest.” 

“Nico... You can’t just buy my affection.” She smirked over at her, trying to figure out what game she was trying to play.

“Oh, I know. But if one of us is drinking tonight, I at least think she should be drinking the best.” She saw Nico’s eyes flash to Karolina’s hand, that was now resting on the table, fidgeting with the stem of the champagne glass. She could tell that Nico was dying for physical touch, but Karolina didn’t know if she was fully ready for the intimacy that came with hands intertwined. She knew it was stupid, and so innocent, but it was the first form of physical, romantic contact that she and Nico had shared growing up, and she didn’t want to ruin that memory.

“Julie and I... Well we broke up this morning.” She didn’t know why she was telling Nico this. It wasn’t really any of her business, but it felt like a cloud looming over the evening.

“Karolina, I’m so sorry. I know I was almost entirely the sole cause of that...” Nico stared into her eyes with a type of sympathy that reminded her of the girl she fell in love with. The girl who wanted to protect her at all costs. She thought that girl was gone forever. “How are you doing?”

“It hurts, you know? I really did love her, and she didn’t deserve to be treated that way.” Nico’s eyes flickered down to the tea light. There was that flash of pain that she had seen the night of her show. That flash that reminded her that maybe this ache wasn’t all one sided. 

“None of this was my intention... I wish I could take it all back.” Her voice was soft and somber, but the sentiment caught Karolina off guard.

“Do you? Because if that’s the case, I have no idea what we’re doing here.” Her words came out more abrasive than she intended, and it made Nico’s eyes bounce back up to her’s.

“I mean... I wish all of this was under different circumstances. I wish I didn’t have to keep causing you pain for my own selfish reasons.” She took a moment to reorganize her thoughts, to try to find the right words to say what Karolina desperately needed to hear. “Last night, Julie told me she loved you enough to let you go.... And she asked me if I could say the same. Her words kept me up all night, because I don’t know if I honestly could.”

“You let me go before, what would make now any different?” Karolina studied Nico’s face, watching the flickering candle light illuminate her natural features.

“Ever since I left, I felt like a piece of my soul was missing. Like my emotions have been on auto pilot for 3 years.” Her face tensed as she stared down at her hands. “And then I saw you at my show, and it reminded me what it felt like to feel my own heart beat...To feel like I could breathe again. Karolina, my soul craves the essence of you in a way that I can’t even fully comprehend. Like living without you isn’t really living at all.”   
Karolina took a moment to untangle the knot of useless thoughts that prevented her from asking the question that had been weighing on her heart since yesterday evening.

“Nico, let’s pretend there’s a world I’m which I am capable of letting everything go. What do you really want out of this... out of us?”

“I want you. I want everything this life has to offer with you.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karolin and Nico share some intimate moments, both exposing their vulnerabilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the great feedback! I am trying to be as consistent as possible with updates.

Karolina wasn’t quite sure what to say, what to think, what to feel. She had been aching to hear these words for so long, but she wondered at what capacity her heart was able to forgive. To let Nico back in.

“Nico... It’s no secret that I am still in love with you. I don’t think there is a world in which my heart is capable of not loving you.” She saw Nico’s face relax, her eyes glinting with the prospect of tears. “But I am terrified...” Her voice cracked and a rogue tear escaped down her cheek. She could see Nico’s hand twitch as if she wanted to reach up and wipe it away, but then her fingers formed a fist, clearly pushing back her emotional instinct. “I am terrified that I will never be enough. If you left at the start of your career, before the fans and the money and all the notoriety, in what universe will my love for you mean more than beautiful girls screaming your name in new cities every night. And I know you believe that I am everything right now, but there was a time years ago where you said the same thing... And here we are.” She took in stuttering breaths, unable to meet Nico’s eyes.

“Hey, hey, hey... Look at me, Karolina. I know all I have are words and my promise, which probably don’t mean much to you right now. But there is not a soul on this earth who even comes close to what your soul means to me.” Nico carefully reached across the table and grabbed Karolina’s hand. It was the first somewhat intimate contact that they had had in three years, and it made Karolina’s throat catch. “There is no doubt in my mind that you are my person... Forever... And I know that I am solely responsible for the insecurity and pain you feel. Believe me, I will never be able to forgive myself for that. But baby, I will spend the rest of my life, going whatever speed you are comfortable with, proving to you that you are irreplaceable to me.” And now they were both crying, feeling totally exposed and raw. She reached up to Nico’s face and wiped a stray tear, then felt Nico kiss the inside of her palm. They were both taking physical risks, and Karolina was scared she was going to get burned. “Hey... Can I take you somewhere?”

Karolina nodded, knowing that if her heart was going to be crushed, she was going to make the most of it. She let Nico pull her from her seat, and watched as she left cash on the table and guided her out the door. 

Once outside, she knew she should let go of her hand, but right now, it felt like the only proof that Nico was hers, at lease for the night. They walked a few blocks in silence, Karolina having trouble forming words. All she could think was, if this was a dream, she never wanted to wake up. They approached an unassuming apartment building, and Nico lead her in. They stumbled up a flight of stairs, and walked down a dimly lit hallway, until Nico stopped her at the fourth door down. She unlocked the door and pulled Karolina inside, wasting no time with explanations.

“Nico... Where are we?” She let go of the petite girl’s hand and began walking around the small, one bedroom apartment. It was quaint, and the decor was very minimalist. There was a black leather sectional in the middle of the living room, pointed towards a large flatscreen tv. The floors were a stained cement, and the clean white walls were adorned with framed vinyls and monochrome photos.

“This is my new apartment...” Nico looked over at her sheepishly, a hint of embarrassment in her gaze. 

“Your apartment?...” Karolina was still trying to compute what all of this could mean.

“For the past few years, I have been living like a nomad. On a tour bus, or in random hotel rooms. There was never a place that felt like home. Not since.... well our apartment.” Nico looked down and took a steady breath. “But I’m tired of all that. I don’t want to be untethered anymore. I want to plant roots.”

“This isn’t all because of me, is it?” Karolina suddenly felt insecure. She didn’t want to be the person that took Nico away from her current life, the one that she honestly knew nothing about.

“Karolina, every choice I make is my own. This apartment feels right. This city feels right. And the only home I’ve ever know is standing in this room right now.” She gave Karolina an easy smirk, her eyes glimmering with love and admiration. “Plus... I just signed with Silent Sisters, and I felt this location would make the most sense.” Karolina’s eyes widened and she felt panic fill her chest. “Hey, don’t worry. This has nothing to do with Julie. This is something that has been in the works for a long time.”

“I just can’t cause her anymore pain, Nico. I can’t...” Karolina fell back onto the couch and buried her face in her hands. Nico moved swiftly across the room and knelt down in front of the blonde, grabbing her hands and looking up into her eyes.

“Listen to me, I will not let my career, or this decision, impact you or Julie. Logan and I came to an agreement, and he will be my direct point person from here on out.” Karolina glanced up from her hands and met Nico’s steady gaze. It was so sure, so unwavering, that it comforted Karolina in a way that she felt it probably shouldn’t. “Baby, I love you, and you are my number one priority. I am whatever you want me to be; lover, friend, acquaintance, I will-“ and before Nico could finish her sentence, Karolina pulled her face closer and kissed her passionately. At first Nico felt rigid, clearly caught up in the shock of it all, but then it changed, became softer and sweeter. She still tasted like her Nico, and she couldn’t help the tears that were now falling down her face. After what felt like a lifetime and a moment all at once, Karolina pulled away. Nico’s eyes fluttered open, and the pads of her thumbs wiped at the trails of Karolina’s tears. “Baby, I’m yours.”

_____________________________________________

Karolina awoke in a bed that wasn’t her own. She and Nico had stayed up all night talking and kissing and being what Gert would call ‘aggravatingly adorable.’ But her drift back into consciousness was interrupted as Karolina reached across the sheets, but was unable to find Nico there. The panic of trauma filled her whole body, and she found herself calling out for Nico, but was only met with silence. She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest, as she took big, uneasy breaths and felt the tears flood her eyes.

“Karolina, I grabbed us some bagels and coffee from that place down the street. I hope you still like your coffee- Whoaaaa, baby, baby what’s wrong?!” Nico dropped the paper bag of bagels on the coffee table in the living room, and rushed into the bedroom. She scooped Karolina up into her arms and began to rock her until the sobs subsided.

“I woke up to you being gone... And I just didn’t know what to think... I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She shoved her face into Nico’s chest and tried to calm her breathing. Nico pulled her in tighter, hoping she could somehow ease the pain she unintentionally caused.

“Kar, I am so sorry. I wasn’t thinking...” She could see the guilt plastered on Nico’s face and it made her heart palpitate. Would Nico always see her as this pitiful girl that she broke? The thought of her being a constant reminder of Nico’s short comings made Karolina’s heart ache. 

“No Nico... You didn’t do anything wrong. I just... Maybe I should go...” She quickly slid out of Nico’s arms and danced around the room, trying to find her dress and shoes. Currently, the only clothes on her body were her bra and underwear.

“Hey, slow it down there.” Nico rushed to grab Karolina’s hand and pull her back to the bed. At first, she resisted, but Nico’s persistence broke through her frenzied thoughts, and she was eased back into her arms. “I am not going anywhere. I am yours as long as you want me. And if I have to prove that to you everyday for the rest of our lives, I will.”

“Nico, I don’t want to punish you anymore... I don’t want to be some sad, stupid reminder of what we could’ve been.” 

“The only thing you are is living breathing proof that I am the luckiest person on this planet.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nico shows Karolina that the pain wasn’t all one sided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for all of the weird grammar issues from the last chapter. I went back and edited it.
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter. It’s kind of short, but still holds some big emotions.

Karolina spent the rest of the morning in bed with Nico, not quite sure what else to say. She believes Nico, she really does. But all she can think about is being 5 years down the road and Nico realizing she’s too damaged... Too broken. She kept these thoughts to herself. Buried them down deep, so they were no longer words in her head, but rather an ache in her gut. 

“So... Last night, you asked me what I want out of this. But I don’t think we ever got to your answer.” Nico held Karolina against her chest, rubbing soothing circles on her shoulder blade. Their legs were intertwined, and Karolina’s feet poked off the bottom of the bed. She could hear Nico’s heartbeat, strong and steady.

“It’s complicated...” She felt Nico take a quick, uneasy breath, but she gave Karolina the silence to continue. “Last night was incredibly cathartic and healing for me, but I think it will take me a long time to convince my heart that you want this... us... me...” She looked up at Nico and found her staring back with concern, but also absolute love. “But... I want to do this with you. I want to figure it out, if you can be patient with me. I want to find us again.” Nico gently guided Karolina’s lips towards her own and gave her a soft, innocent kiss. The kind of kiss that felt like warmth and understanding.

“Karolina, I meant it when I said that we will go your speed. I’m not just going to pretend that everything was fixed in one night. I want to work for this, earn your trust.” Karolina nodded and buried her face into Nico’s shirt. It was the powder blue one that she had missed for so long.

“I see you stole my shirt,” she joked quietly. Her voice just above a whisper.

“Uh, yeah... I guess I should apologize for that too.” 

“I mean you left pretty quickly, it’s a surprise that you only ended up with one of my articles of clothing.” Nico let out a tiny sigh, one that seemed to want to tell a different story.

“I took this shirt because it smelled like you... I don’t even know what I was thinking, but I just knew I needed a piece of you, as much as it tore me apart.” She held Karolina a little tighter and kept her eyes focused on the ceiling. “For a few months, I couldn’t even wear it. Couldn’t look at it without crying. But as time passed, it felt like a hug from you every time I put it on... Now I can’t leave for tour without it. It’s become a running joke with the crew.”

“Nico...” The petite girl glanced down and kissed the blonde on the top of the head. She had a far off look in her eyes, like she was remembering some bad memory, some horrible nightmare.

“I’m so sorry, Karolina, I am so so sorry.” Nico’s eyes began overflowing with tears and her chest rattled like fall leaves. “I don’t even deserve to be fucking crying right now.”

Karolina rolled off Nico’s chest and propped herself up on her elbow so she could get a better view of her.

“Heyyyyy.... shhhhh... Nico, baby, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.” She ran her fingers up and down Nico’s arm, trying to provide some sort of comfort. Nico wiped aggressively at her eyes, clearly embarrassed by the giant crack in her unwavering bravery.

“I’m such a fucking baby...” Nico gave a watery chuckle and sat up a little taller, trying to gain her composure.

“No, you’re not. If anything, this moment, seeing how much your leaving impacted you, gives me proof that this heart ache isn’t just mine.” Nico smirked down and Karolina and pulled her back to her chest.

“Karolina, I was a mess. An absolute, all consumed, wreck.” Karolina gave Nico a long, slow kiss. When they finally pulled apart, Nico’s face was flushed and Karolina had a goofy grin plastered across hers.

“Then I guess we can work on this healing thing together.” Karolina said it with such confidence, that she realized she actually believed it her self.

_____________________________________________

Karolina was walking back to her apartment when her phone lit up. It was an incoming FaceTime from Gert. 

“Karolina, where have you been?! You’ve been MIA for the past 24 hours.”

“Well.... It’s all been a total whirlwind. Julie an I broke up.” The words still made her heart ache in a way she hadn’t really expected. “She told me I was still in love with Nico... And as it turns out... she was more right than I wanted to admit...”

“Kar, did something happen?” Gert asked the question pointedly, seeming fully aware of the implications of Karolina’s statement. 

“Well, I texted Nico asking... Well not asking.. More like telling her we were meeting for dinner.” Gert gave her an exasperated look and made a waving gesture, as if telling her to keep going. “And we both admitted that we were still in love with each other... And she took me back to her apartment, which I guess she just moved into... And we spent the night talking, and kissing, and airing everything out... God, she loves me Gert, and she missed me, and she wants me...” The air escaping her lungs held so much wary relief.

“Oh my god...” Gert shook her head in disbelief. It was one of very few times that Karolina had seen her struggle to find words. “Are you ready for this? Because you know, there’s no turning back...”

“I’m ready to start healing and to find my way to her again.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some very sweet Deanoru moments in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am definitely not a songwriter, but I took my best shot at it. I know it’s not the best, but I felt some Nico lyrics were essential to this fic. 
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter!

Karolina had been working from home for the past few days. The office was being renovated, so everyone got to play adult hooky. She was in the middle of working on a big presentation when she felt her phone buzz.

Nico: Come over...  
Nico: I’m bored  
Nico: And I miss you  
Nico: And I can’t get this beautiful girl off my mind. She’s making sad girl songwriting very difficult...

Karolina smiled at her phone. She and Nico had been seeing each other for a few weeks, and it surprised her how easy and natural it was to fall back into each other. To be an ‘us’ again.

Karolina: I have work to do... I promise I’ll come by later!  
Karolina: And that girl better be me, or I’ll give you something to write about...  
Nico: I guess you’ll have to come over to find out... ;) <3  
Karolina: You have an album to finish. One more song, and then you’re done!  
Nico: Yeah... But I was hoping your lips could give me some inspiration...

Karolina can’t remember the last time she flirted like this. The last time her heart skipped a beat when her phone screen lit up. She was happy. Unbelievably, undeniably happy. But part of her couldn’t help but want to pull back, to preserve a tiny part of her heart that Nico couldn’t touch, or find. A part of her heart that would keep beating if the rest shattered to pieces. 

Karolina: I’ll see you at 7, and you better be ready to serenade me with a new song <3

_____________________________________________

Karolina arrived at 6:55, and had an internal battle on whether it seemed too eager or uncool to be early to her new (old) girlfriend’s place. And was she even her girlfriend? Sure they had professed their undying love for each other, but the defining of the relationship seemed to fall by the wayside. 

Before Karolina could even knock, Nico’s door swung open and her face lit up.

“What are you doing standing out here like a weirdo?” Karolina blushed, internally screaming from embarrassment.

“I was trying to play it cool, but clearly I failed...” Nico pulled Karolina into her apartment and immediately enveloped her in a passionate kiss.

“Don’t you think we’ve played it cool enough for one lifetime?” Nico whispered into Karolina’s ear, and it made goosebumps travel down her spine. “Plus, you are way too hot for that.” Karolina let out a nervous giggle and proceeded to follow Nico into the kitchen.

“So... You have a song for me yet?” Karolina tried to project some confidence, but her head was still reeling from the euphoria inducing moment she just experienced. 

“My whole last album was dedicated to you... Don’t you think that’s enough?” There was a playful amusement in Nico’s voice as she arched her eyebrow. Something about the fire in her eyes made it even harder for Karolina to breathe.

“I have a confession to make.... I’ve never listened to your album. The only song I’ve kind of heard was the beginning of Blue Eyed Girl, and I lasted about 30 seconds before I had to rush outside of the venue to hyperventilate.” Nico feigned a look of disappointment, which quickly turned into a cheeky smile.

“Would you mind if I played you one?” Nico’s mischievous confidence quickly substituted for a nervous, almost shy, timbre. 

“I would love that.” Nico disappeared into the bedroom and came back with a small, beat up acoustic guitar. it was the one Karolina use to watch her play every night when she got home from work. She remembered carving their initials in a heart right below the bridge. “Wow, I can’t believe you still have that thing.”

“It’s the only guitar I ever really write with. It feels like it always has a lot to say.” Nico peered up coyly at her, a small smile lighting up her face. “This is the last song on my previous album. I’ve never been able to play it live because it feels like something I only want to say to you.” Nico took a seat on the leather sectional, and Karolina followed close behind her, claiming the spot next to her.

She began playing a quiet, slow melody. It was haunting and evocative, as if nostalgia took a form in this song. 

“Hey love, I know it’s early where you are,  
But I just need you to know that I’m right here.  
Hey love, I don’t know where to start,  
But I hope these words find their way back to where you are.

I should’ve stayed in that bed,  
Should’ve held you a little tighter,  
I can’t get out of my own head  
I should’ve been a fighter.

But this circuit blew a fuse,  
And the spark became a lighter.  
And now I’m burning down the only love that made me feel brighter.”

Nico’s words, everything Karolina wish she had known for the past 3 years, were floating through the air, almost palpable They brought tears to her eyes, made her wish she had listened to this sooner.

“So I look for you in empty glasses, empty bottles,  
And I know I should be better,  
Than a drunken cliche at rock bottom.  
I should clean myself up, be the woman you deserve,  
Maybe the next time we meet, I’ll be true to my word.

I should’ve stayed in that bed,  
Should’ve held you a little tighter,  
I can’t get out of my own head  
I should’ve been a fighter.

But this circuit blew a fuse,  
And the spark became a lighter.  
And now I’m burning down the only love that made me feel brighter.

You were my light, the warmth in the dark.  
Now all I have is a wild fire, and the desire to restart.  
Whenever you start missing me,  
Remember who you are.  
The warmth from the spark, the lamp in the dark.”

Nico finished the song with a somber quietness that shook Karolina to her core.

“Nico... That was beautiful.” Nico had matching tears in her eyes and her hands were now shaky. She had trouble making eye contact, trouble snapping back to reality.

“I wrote that a month after I left... The evening of the open mic, you said that me coming back to you was because it was most convenient for me. But the truth is, I couldn’t come face to face with you until I knew I was the best version of myself. The version of myself that could make promises of forever. The version of myself that could look you in the eyes and know that I could give you the best life possible.” Nico stared desperately into Karolina’s soul, piercing through all of her insecurities. “And there may never be a version of me that deserves any version of you, But there is no doubt in my mind that I am ready to do this life with you.” Karolina let out a small gasp and pulled Nico in for a slow kiss.

“Nico... You are more than enough. And I would wait a million years if it meant at the end of all this, it was you and me. Forever.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is from Nico’s perspective and comes with a HUGE realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. I hopped ahead a bit because I’m really ready for some fluff!

Karolina and Nico had been dating seriously again for the past 6 months, and Nico would describe it as idyllic. Sure, they had some uneasy moments, tripped over their own insecure landmines. But life was good. They were good. 

They had even moved into Nico’s apartment together. It’s contrasting black and white now had pops of warm yellows and greens, and blues. It felt like home because Karolina’s clothes were in the closet, her shampoo in the shower, her favorite ice cream in the freezer.

The sheets always smelled like her, and it made it hard for Nico to pull herself out of bed in the morning. And whenever she came to this realization, she wondered how she ever found the strength to leave in the first place. How she was able to pull herself from the person that her world orbited around. But they were together again, and life was good, they were good, she reminded herself, feeling totally undeserving of the woman sleeping next to her.

But Nico wanted more. This whole forever thing was their favorite promise, but Nico had been itching to make it a reality. Sure, 6 months wasn’t long in the grand scheme of life, but before this, they had been together for 5 years, and then they spent 3 years apart, and Nico was done wasting time. Ever since Karolina showed her that engagement ring, she couldn’t get it out of her head. 

“Nico! It’s so good to hear from you! How’s Karolina?”

“Hey Chase... I need your help with something. But you have to promise me you won’t tell Gert! She has no concept of keeping a secret when it comes to Karolina...” Nico not nervously at the inside of her cheek, unsure of how Chase would react with what she was about to say.

“Yeah... is everything okay? Are you and Karolina good?”

“We’re perfect, she’s perfect. That’s actually why I’m calling....” She paces the apartment, trying to find the bravery to say what she needed to say. And she needed to do it quick, because Karolina was going to be home for work in half an hour. “I want to propose...”

“NICO! THAT’S HUGE! Congratulations!” Nico couldn’t help but smile at her best friend’s reaction. She was so glad he couldn’t see her right now, because she looked like a love sick puppy.

“Do you think I’m a total idiot? Like is this such a bad idea?” She took a tense breath and waited for his reply.

“You have been in love with that girl everyday since you were four. Sure, you lost your way for a little bit, but she loves you and she forgave you. And you should see the way she gushes about you to Gert, it’s a little repulsive.” He let out a little chuckle and it made Nico roll her eyes. “Bottom line; Karolina has had to be the brave one when it comes to your forever. Now I think it’s your turn.” Nico knew he was right. She also knew whole heartedly that this was it. She was ready.

“Then I guess we’re going ring shopping...” 

_____________________________________________

Nico had one image in her head when it came to Karolina’s ring. Ever since she saw the absolutely perfect one that should’ve been hers, she knew Karolina’s should harmonize with it. Be a constant reminder of the way they balance each other.

She found a jeweler close to their apartment that came highly recommended, and she went one day while Karolina was at work.

“Chase, I am FaceTiming you in because I love you and I care about your input, but please do not embarrass me...” Nico walked into the jewelers with a hand scribbled page of notes and a nervous energy.

“I promise! I will not be an embarrassment. But you better tell me before you propose, because I want to be there!” Nico chuckled and headed to one of the glass cases with pre-set rings.

“Hi miss, how can I help you?” And older woman with cloudy white hair and a kind smile approached her. Something about her calming demeanor put Nico at ease.

“Hi there, I want to propose to my girlfriend...” She heard Chase squeal on the other end of the phone and Nico shot him a very serious, very intimidating look.

“Sorry, sorry! Won’t happen again.” Chase regained his composure and nodded back at Nico.

“So... anyways... I have this image in my head, and I’m hoping you could help me.”

“Of course dear, congratulations by the way.” The small, older woman gave her a little wink, and it warmed Nico’s heart.

“I was thinking a two carat white diamond, emerald cut, surrounded by small black diamonds. I’m thinking a white gold setting” The woman nodded and began jotting down specifics in a little note book.

“We can get this custom made for you. Is there something you would like engraved in it?”

“I Lamp You.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for the fluffiest of fluff!
> 
> The proposal!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Just wanted to spend a little extra time on this chapter, since it is so special.

“Nico baby, you here?” Karolina called out into the empty apartment. It was unusual that Nico wasn’t home at this time. She was usually so eager to greet her. Usually so fed up with writer’s block and wanting to be distracted by Karolina’s presence.

Karolina tried to push down the anxiety that was now rising in her chest. Her heart beat quickened and her breathing felt unsteady.

“You’re fine Karolina. She probably just went to the grocery store. Deep breaths.”

She walked into the kitchen to grab a glass a water and found a sticky note on the fridge. 

‘I stepped out for a bit. Will be home as soon as I can. I love you! :)’

Karolina took a deep breath, now feeling like a total idiot. She and Nico were so unbelievably solid right now, and she felt guilty for thinking otherwise, for letting herself go into total panic mode.

Now that the album was finished, Nico would be leaving her to go on tour soon. And as much as Karolina trusted Nico, it still made her nervous. Sure, they lived together and were in a serious relationship, but Karolina fantasized about taking that next big step. Fantasized about being totally committed to Nico. The little velvet box burning a hole in her thoughts. 

Karolina tried to come back to a rational headspace, reminding herself that they had only been back together for 6 months, and things were great, and she can’t just rush Nico into something she isn’t ready for.

She couldn’t help feeling like that was the underlying reason that Nico left before. That Karolina wanted too much. That she asking for things Nico couldn’t fully comprehend yet. She was trying to avoid past mistakes.

Karolina was so deep in her own head that she didn’t hear the door open. All of a sudden, she felt two hands grab her waist, making her yelp and jump a foot in the air

“NICO! You scared the shit out of me!” Nico snickered and proceeded to kiss Karolina on the cheek. She had a ridiculous grin plastered across her face, clearly so proud of her impact on the blonde.

“How was your day?” She regained her composure and watched as Nico casually leaned against the counter, her elbow resting on the cold granite, her eyes totally focused on Karolina. 

“It was fine. Super long, and I’m glad to be home. What about you? Where did you go?”

All of a sudden, Nico seemed to tense up and forget how to form sentences, her eyes unable to meet Karolina’s.

It made Karolina’s heart rate spike. She promised herself that if Nico gave her any signs of fleeing, he would confront it head on. But now, looking at the nervous girl, she didn’t have the heart. She was just glad to have Nico in anyway she would allow, and she didn’t want to ask for much more. Didn’t want to push her.

“Uh... yeah... It was good. Got some practice in. You know tour is around the corner, so I have to get ready for that.” Nico gulped and stared down at her hands, nervously picking at her nails.

She had been acting weird and agitated for the past couple of weeks, and it put Karolina on edge. She was trying not to read into signs that weren’t there, but she was also trying to guard her heart as much as she possibly could. Prepared for the worst but hoping for the best.

“Hey Karolina, there’s this show tomorrow night at The Music Hall of Williamsburg. I want to take you to it.”The last time Karolina set foot in that venue, Nico crushed her heart into a million pieces. She didn’t know if she was ready to revisit those memories. They felt like a lifetime and a day ago all at once. 

“I don’t know babe... Me and that place don’t have the most stellar track record.” Nico looked at her sweetly, her eyes soft and her mouth in a warm smile. She seemed to understanding the underlying dialogue that Karolina was avoiding, pushing away.

“Trust me, this show will change your mind.” And in this moment, Karolina realized that she could never not trust Nico. Never not give her her whole entire heart. If this ship was going to sink, she was going down with it. And for some reason, she didn’t really mind.

_____________________________________________

Karolina woke up later than she expected. It was a Saturday, and they didn’t have any plans until tonight, plus the week had worn her out. She rolled over to find Nico missing, a small piece of paper in her place.

‘Hey Baby, I went to go help out for that show tonight. 

I want this evening to be special, so go get your nails done and get out your favorite dress.

I’ll pick you up at 7.

I Lamp You,  
Nico’

The note seemed odd to Karolina. Nico went to shows all the time, so it was weird that this one was so special. She found some cash on the bedside table with a post it note that said.

‘Today is on me.  
I’ll see you soon. <3’

Karolina did as she was told and started prepping herself for the evening. She went to get her nails done. Spent hours on her hair and make up. Wrestled with her closet over what dress would make Nico’s heart stop.

It was around 6:45 when she was finally ready. She chose a pale violet dress that hugged her curves and made her blue eyes pop. Her hair was in an updo with loose curls falling around her face. She hadn’t felt this beautiful in a long time, and she hoped Nico would agree.

All of a sudden, she heard a small knock on the door. She opened it to find Gert smiling from ear to ear and practically tackling her through the doorway.

“GERT! What’re you doing here! I missed you!” She began to tear up. This was the first time she had seen her best friend in over a year, and she her words seemed to be moving faster than her mind could fully process.

“Let’s just say, you have a very sweet girlfriend who wants you to have the perfect evening.” Karolina was beginning to wonder if she missed an anniversary or a birthday, or some weird holiday that she didn’t know about, but the rest of her world did. Gert pecked Karolina on the cheek and pulled apart from her, holding her arms out so she could get the full visual of Karolina’s outfit.

“God... Nico’s going to keel over when she sees you.” Gert’s thousand watt grin turned into a soft smile. Her eyes brimming with tears.

“Gert! Why are you crying?!” Karolina pulled her friend into another tight embrace, kissing the top of her head and taking in the essence of her. It made her feel so at peace. So at home.

“I just knew you would get back to this someday... This happiness. With or without Nico, you will always be warmth and sunshine. But I’m so unbelievably happy that you guys found your way back to each other, because no one loves you the way that girl does.”

Karolina’s heart ached at Gert’s genuine tone and supportive words. She was thankful that her friend supported her through all of the bullshit, letting her make the mistakes she needed to make. And now, they were holding each other in the apartment she and Nico shared, talking about how everything happens for a reason. She knew Gert could hate Nico for the pit of despair she made her best friend endure, but instead she supported their relationship, because she knew what was best for her. No one could ever love her like Nico, but Gert’s love was unconditional in all the ways a best friend’s or a sister’s should be.

“God, I am so happy you’re here, Gert. Nico has been acting weird for like 2 weeks now, and I thought I was going to explode from the tension.” She felt Gert let out a little sigh and released the girl so they could look into each other’s eyes. 

“Hey... I’m sure she has good reason for it. That girl loves you with her whole heart. I know you’re still healing from the past, but god does that girl love you.” Karolina smiled down at her feet, a tear escaping and dangling from her chin. “Don’t cry! You’re going to ruin your make up!”

Karolina let out a watery giggle and wiped at her cheek. She can’t remember the last time she was so happy. So content. So safe.

“You ready to go see your girl? I had exactly one job this evening and it was to get you to the venue on time.” Karolina nodded and grabbed her purse from the couch.

“What show is this is anyway?” It must be a pretty big deal if Nico flew Gert out to be her personal escort.

“Oh, you’ll see.” She gave her a mischievous, knowing look and lead Karolina out the door.

_____________________________________________

When they arrived to the venue, there was no line out side, no throngs of buzzing fans waiting to be let in. No security guards or ticket scanners. It was quiet in a way that reminded Karolina of her panic attack 7 months ago. She took deep breaths to try and get out of that head space.

“Gert... No one’s here... Did we miss it?” Karolina looked around anxiously, now feeling totally overdressed and totally overwhelmed.

“You are it, Karolina.”

She pulled Karolina through the front entrance and led her to where the standing room was located. 

Instead of half spilled drinks on the floor, there were rose petal. Her heart began to race and her head began to spin. There were pictures of them hanging from the ceiling, some from 8 years ago and some from just the other day. There were lilies lining the stage and fairy lights cascading down like golden waterfalls.

It was all so beautiful and all so romantic, and it made Karolina question why she deserved all of this from the most incredible woman she had ever met. The only thing that was still bugging her, still keeping her from relaxing and enjoying this utterly perfect moment, was the why of it all. Why tonight? Why here? What was all of this for. 

All of a sudden, she saw Chase take the stage and approach the mic. He had a smile as wide as Gert’s and Karolina couldn’t help but gasp and let out a squeal.

“Chase!”

“Hey Karolina, I know all of this seems really confusing right now. But just enjoy it. Don’t over think it. Be here, in this moment, with the woman you love.” It was like Chase was reading her mind, lulling her anxieties, making them feel small. “Because no one deserves this moment more than you. You two lost each other, but we’re not going to dwell on that, because you found each other again the most miraculous way. You guys make each other better, stronger, happier. You balance each other out and make each other feel at home, and nothing makes me happier than getting to see you two together again.” Chase’s eyes were getting misty and his chin began to quiver. ‘Anyway, for one night only, here is Nico Minoru!”

Chase jumped off the stage and made his way over to Gert, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and giving her a knowing look. All of a sudden Nico walked on to the stage, wearing a perfectly tailored suit, her hair up in a expertly executed bun and her eyes the brightest Karolina had ever seen them. She had her beat up old acoustic hanging from her shoulders.

“Karolina.... I don’t know what idiot controlling this universe thought that I in anyway deserved someone as kind, and smart, and funny, and breathtakingly gorgeous as you. I know some cosmic mistake was made, but I am taking it.” Nico let out a wavering chuckle, clearly trying to hold back tears. “The first time I saw you after those 3 horribly long and excruciating years, you were fleeing this venue. And as I watched you escape back into a reality that was separate from my own, I realized that a life without you would be no life at all.” Nico took in a big breath and wiped a tear from her cheek, trying to stop her heaving chest. “And then, like some gift from god, you were nearly crushed to death by an aisle’s worth of snack food.” They both let out giggles, unable to shake that shared image from their heads. “And I thought to myself, in that moment, 1. She is still without a doubt the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. And 2. If she can forgive me, I am never letting her go.” Nico’s jaw pulsed, and she gripped tighter onto the neck of the guitar. “And god, I know that I’ve hurt you better than I’ve ever loved you, but somehow, because of your capability of being able to love me better than you could’ve easily hurt me, you forgave me. So I’m taking tonight to show you that I am never, ever, letting you go.”

Nico’s words were poetic and clumsy, a perfect culmination of everything she was. Karolina bit her lip and glanced over at Gert, who was now sobbing into Chase’s chest. Clearly, Karolina wasn’t the only one impacted by Nico’s profession of forever. All of a sudden music began to reverberate through the venue, bouncing off the walls and vibrating in Karolina’s chest.

And before she knew it, Nico was playing every song from that album. Every song of heart ache and love and longing. Every song she had written for Karolina, calling out into the void and hoping to hear her whisper back. But today, Karolina was ready to hear it. Ready to respond with the most confident confession that she loves Nico with every cell of her being.

And as Nico rounded out the album, playing the the last song, which was definitely Karolina’s favorite, she couldn’t wait to hold Nico in her arms and tell her everything that was swirling around in her head.

The rest of the world was drown out as Nico hopped off the stage and moved towards her, her eyes never breaking their gaze. She pulled Karolina in for a kiss, pressing their waists together and feeling Karolina’s hand grip the back of her neck. This was pure ecstasy. Nico broke their kiss and she could see the utter disappointment in Karolina’s eyes.

“I have to show you something...” She grabbed the blonde’s hand and pulled her out the door and onto the sidewalk. It was now a little chilly and still oddly quiet as they made their way into the street. Karolina had no idea what was going on, but she knew she would follow Nico anywhere. “Look up.”

And above their heads, on the marquis, read ‘Karolina Dean, will you marry me?’ The same marquis that nearly crushed her heart 7 months ago, was now making it pound against her rib cage. Reminding her that it was so alive.

Karolina whipped around to find Nico already on her knee smiling up at her with alligator tears in her eyes. “So, how about that forever?”

“Yes Nico! Oh my god, yes!” All of a sudden, she was pulling the petite girl back to her feet, and kissing her as hard and as passionately as she could, holding her face and doing everything in her power not to let this moment end. When they broke apart, she saw that Nico was totally flushed, her eyes still brimming with tears.

“So... Can I put this ring on you?” She asked anxiously.

“Oh! Right... I almost forgot about that part.” Karolina looked down to see an emerald cut white diamond with black diamonds set around it. It perfectly juxtaposed the ring she had gotten Nico, and it made her gasp.

“Read the engraving...” Karolina pulled it from the box and twirled it around until she saw in beautiful script ‘I Lamp You.’

“Nico... Baby... This is perfect.” Nico took the ring back and held Karolina’s shaky left hand. And like it was the most natural thing she’s ever done, she slid it on her ring finger. It fit perfectly, just like this moment, and just like this beautiful woman standing in front of her. 

“By the way, you are so unbelievably stunning. I am the luckiest woman on the planet to get to call you my fiance.” The new title and the new wave of tears threatening to spill over caused Karolina to pull Nico into another earth shattering kiss. God, was she happy.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karolina and Nico share a sweet moment with a certain ring in a certain sock drawer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Been a little busy, but this chapter is almost as sweet as the last. Let me know what you think!

When they had finally made it back to their apartment, after a long evening of heartfelt proclamations and catching up with their best friends, all they both wanted to do was flop into their bed and hold each other.

Karolina put on some sweat pants and a tank top, while Nico pulled on the light blue pocket tee that went down to her mid thigh. And as beautiful as Nico looked tonight, this was her favorite version of the girl. No make up, no guards up, totally vulnerable.

Nico laid down on the bed first, arms open wide, waiting for Karolina to fall into her as easily as they had fallen in love. She opened one eye when she didn’t immediately feel the tall blonde intertwine their legs and wrap her arms around her.

“Hang on baby, one second.” Nico’s open arms crossed and she gave Karolina a fake pout.

“Come onnnnn, I just want to hold my fiancé and get some sleep.” A small smile formed on her face, clearly still getting used to the word and clearly so proud that she was using it to refer to Karolina. Karolina waited till Nico’s eyes were closed again, before quietly opening her sock drawer and locating the small velvet box that she had followed her across the country, from apartment to apartment, waiting. Waiting for the right moment to find it’s home. To find its way to Nico.

Nico’s eyes flickered open again when she felt the weight of the bed shift. But instead of finding Karolina laying next to her, burying her face into her neck, she saw the blonde, on one knee, the warmest, most loving smile plastered across her face, and a tear in her eye. Her hands were trembling as she held the open velvet box that contained the ring that inspired all of this.

“The last time you saw this ring, I had practically flung it at your head.” Nico couldn’t help but chuckle as she found herself sitting up in bed, hand covering her mouth, her eyes with matching tears. Matching promises. “I told you it wasn’t a weapon, it wasn’t even a shield, it was the only proof that I had to show myself I could be so deeply in love that I could promise forever...” Karolina looked down at the ring with disbelief, taking a moment to run through all of the times she almost gave up. All of the times she cried herself to sleep. All of the times he almost sold it, or threw it in a river, or put it on someone else’s finger, almost locked it away somewhere with her heart, where no one could ever find it. But instead, she kept it close. Kept it with her mismatched socks, still waiting for their missing mates. Tired of being worn with other socks that were close enough, good enough, but never perfect. She kept it somewhere where she couldn’t always see it, but always knew it was there. Always knew it was ready when she was. “I know we don’t really talk about that night, and for good reason... But seeing you with this ring. Seeing you wishing so badly that we could rewrite the past three years so you could be my wife, it showed me that it would never be anyone else. Every version of me will always want every version of you. The 5 year old version of me that kissed your bruise on the play ground after you fell off the monkey bars. The 13 year old version of me that asked you to dance at the 8th grade formal because Chase had asked me ten times, but I only wanted you. The 16 year old version of me that kissed you for the first time and nearly died when you kissed me back. The version of me that woke up that morning still wanting you even though it nearly killed me. The version of me sitting in front of you today, in sweat pants, without make up, totally vulnerable and no longer needing to keep this proof hidden from the world. Because all I want is this proof, on your hand, as a reminder that no amount of lost time will take away the lifetime we have left together. So... Nico Minoru, will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

Nico rocked forward onto her knees and practically tackled Karolina on to the bed. She had tears streaming down her face and the biggest, brightest, happiest smile Karolina had ever seen.

“Of course I’ll be your wife!... Forever.” She pressed her lips hard against Karolina’s, her knees on either side of the blonde’s rib cage, her hands holding her face so gingerly. Until finally, she collapsed on top of her, listening to Karolina’s heart pound against her chest. Knowing that there was no one else that could make it beat that hard and that fast. Without jostling Nico too much, Karolina pulled the ring of the box, hands hovering over the petite girl’s back, giving it one last look, before sliding it on to Nico’s ring finger. It was no longer her proof. No longer her heart. It was Nico’s forever. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

***

They were awoken early the next morning at around 7, the long buzzing of an adamant caller. She felt Nico groan and hold her tighter.

“Just ignore it.... I want to have you to myself the rest of the morning...” Her lips met Karolina’s neck, letting out small puffs of warm breath that made the blonde’s skin tingle.

“It’s Gert... We have to get up. We promised them we would show them the city today.” Nico huffed as Karolina moved out from under her grasp. “Hey... You look good wearing my future.” Nico looked over at her and immediately rolled her eyes.

“You did not just quote a cheesy 80’s movie... God, how am I engaged to such a softie.” Karolina tossed a pillow at her as Nico giggled.

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” Karolina climbed back on to the bed, a mischievous glimmer in her eye.

“You just had to quote my favorite rom com of all time... You are the devil.” Nico couldn’t help but grin as the blonde crawled over to here and then proceeded to tackled her back into the knot of blankets and decorative pillows that seemed to have no actual purpose, but made the blonde happy, in return making Nico happy. 

“I made you watch When Harry Met Sally on our first real date to prove to you that you were indeed a giant sap.

“Only for you. And I’ll deny it if you ever tell Gert or Chase.” Nico feigned annoyance, but was unable to stop the small smile that Karolina induced. 

“Well babe, I think your passionate, romantic, over the top proclamation of love, followed by you getting down on one knee with the most beautiful ring the world has ever seen, may have outed you to our two best friends.” Karolina snickered and pulled Nico a little closer.

“Well, I won’t let my tough exterior stop you from getting everything you deserve in life. And you deserved everything that my heart.... and wallet... are capable of.” Karolina gave her a soft kiss, once again reminded that no one could ever love her like Nico could, like Nico will for the rest of their lives.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! 
> 
> The wedding!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!

Nico and Karolina had been showing Chase and Gert around Manhattan for a few hours, pointing out all the important landmarks, and trying not to let their disdain of tourist traps stop them from giving their friends the best possible time. Karolina and Chase were passionately discussing the final season of Game of Thrones, when Nico felt an arm loop into hers.

“You know I love you. You know I am so, so happy for you and K. You know I whole heartedly support this union. But as her best friend, I must let it be known; if you hurt her again, I will make it my very mission in life to make sure you never see, hear, touch, smell, taste even a molecule of that perfect, blonde, beautiful ray of sunshine. Do you hear me?” Gert said it with absolutely no emotion in her voice, as it it were just a pure and honest fact. And Nico knew she should be nervous, or defensive, or totally intimidated, but she wasn’t.

“I would hope so. But Gert, as the love of her life, I must let it be known; She is my number one priority, my whole heart, and the person I will spend forever trying to make myself worthy for.”

“Okay, then. Good. Glad that we see eye to eye.” Gert gave her a warm smile and squeezed her arm a little tighter before planting a kiss on the petite girl’s cheek.

“Hey! You aren’t trying to steal my fiancé, are you?!” Karolina said with a little giggle.

“Well, you know I tried, but she seems to only have eyes for your perfect butt.” Gert came running up on Karolina and jumped on her back, wrapping her legs around her waist and loosely dangling her arms around her neck. Karolina took off in a sprint, making Gert scream and hold onto the blonde even tighter.

“You know Gert has been rehearsing that speech for about 2.5 years now. She always knew you would come back for her.” Nico glanced over a Chase, who must’ve slowed his pace to match hers.

“I’m glad one of us knew.... It’s crazy to look at Karolina now and think of all the years I wasted being an absolute dumb ass.” Nico shook her head and shot a disbelieving look to no one, to nothing.

“Nico... You can’t dwell on all of that. You have her now, for like... forever. Let that be enough.” Chase gave Nico a warm, compassionate smile and wrapped a muscular arm around her shoulders.

“Well Chase, when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” And with that unbelievably cheesy movie quote that proved that Karolina had totally rubbed off on her, Nico came up with a brilliant idea.

***

Karolina and Nico stood outside of a souvenir shop, waiting for Chase and Gert to buy up every magnet and postcard and tshirt that had the big apple on it. Karolina could see the gears in Nico’s head turning, and she really wanted to know what was going on in that beautiful mind of hers.

“Nico... Is everything-“

“Marry me.” Karolina was totally puzzled and beginning to wonder if the large diamond on her left hand was just a really expensive promise ring.

“I mean, that’s the plan, isn’t it?” Nico finally flashed back to reality and looked her dead in the eyes.

“I mean... Marry me today. With the two people that mean the most to us, that never stopped believing in us. Marry me today, because I really want the rest of our life to start as soon as possible.” Karolina gasped and felt tears stinging her eyes, her heart pounding against her rib cage. 

“Baby... Are you sure, I mean are you ready?” It was clear in the way the question was phrased that Karolina was still scared of pushing too hard, of asking for too much. And it broke Nico’s heart in a way she couldn’t quite vocalize.

“Kar... I need you to know that you are it. That this is it. It’s you and me, and maybe a cat, and hopefully some really cute blonde haired, blue eyed babies. And maybe a house with a white picket fence, or a condo in downtown Brooklyn. But all of this is just wishing and hoping and praying until we make it a reality. So please let’s start making this a reality.” Karolina kissed Nico hard, hard and into what felt like another universe. And they didn’t realize how totally consumed they were by each other until they heard a cough and felt a gentle tap on the shoulder.

“As happy as we are for you guys, could we not watch you make out in public like two horny teenagers.” Karolina laughed and wiped Nico’s dark lipstick from her mouth. Nico was still trying to come back from whatever mental trip that kiss took her on. 

“So... Nico had this idea. But we only want to do it if you guys are comfortable with it.”

“Plus, we’re going to need two witnesses to pull it off.” Nico gave them a mischievous grin, watching the couple piece together what she was saying. 

“No... Really?! No way... Your moms will kill you!” Gert shook her head but a wide smile was beginning to light up her face.

“You two are our chosen family and we wouldn’t have it any other way... Plus, we’ll still do the big party for everyone else, we just want share this moment with our two favorite people.” Gert launched herself at Karolina and Nico, giving them a tight, almost air constricting, double hug. Chase just chuckled and wiped away a tear that had escaped down his face. He was such a softie now, and Nico made a mental note to tease him about that later. 

“OH MY GOD!” Gert clasped her hands over Karolina’s eyes and started dragging her away. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!”

“Gert... Nothing about this wedding, or really this relationship, it conventional. Plus, for someone who can’t stand the expectations of tradition, you are being very... well... Traditional...” Nico shook her head and watched Gert continue to clumsily drag Karolina down the block. The height difference making it even more awkward. 

“Text us the address of the court house! I have to get her ready!” She flashed Nico a cheesy, million watt, smile.

“You better watch where you’re going! I don’t need my wife ending up in the emergency room.” The word wife felt so official, so real. 

“She’s not your wife yet! I’ll have her back to you in 2 hours!” Nico heard Karolina’s sweet giggle and her heart soared. Karolina Dean was going to be her wife. What did she do to deserve that?

***

“We have to get you the perfect dress!” Gert dragged her in to a cute little vintage boutique. They had old band t-shirts and a whole rack of ripped up jean jackets. Normally, all of this would be right up her alley, but she doubted she would find a wedding dress in the midst of all these hand me downs.

“Gert, I don’t know how we’re going to find anything that even resembles a wedding dress in 2 hours.” And then, like a glimmering beacon of hope, Gert pulled an off white gown that flowed out into pastel colors. It was absolutely breath taking, and totally Karolina.

“Kar, you have to try this on.... It’s perfect!” And it was. It fit Karolina like a glove, accentuating the most beautiful parts of her body. “You know how I said Nico was going to keel over when she saw you the other night? Well today, she is going to keel over, come back to life, and then keel over again... Holy shit, Karolina, you look gorgeous!”

Karolina was now totally blushing. And if she wasn’t already enough of a total cliche, she began crying when she saw herself in the mirror, standing among piles of thrifted shirts and distressed denim. But she looked like a bride, and she couldn’t wait to show Nico.

Gert swooped back over to her and began pulling her hair back into intricate braids and soft waves. She really had a knack for this ‘let’s get married in two hours’ thing.

“Nico sent me the address. I’ll fix your make up on the way over” She paid for the dress and then met Gert on the curb outside.

“I’m in converse, Gert...” The purple haired girl let out a giggle and smiled up at her best friend.

“You look beautiful and the converse are totally you... Plus, I’m already working miracles here.” And Karolina had to admit that there was no one else on this planet who could make her look and feel this beautiful in the time frame they were given.

***

They got to the courthouse quicker than Karolina expected. She was still in the middle of writing down the messy, unrefined, unrehearsed skeleton of vows. But even with days, weeks, months, or years, she didn’t think she would ever really be able to put everything she felt for Nico into words. 

Gert insisted on going in first to check that Nico or Chase weren’t around. Karolina thought it was silly, but she was a smidge thankful for the small aspects of traditional that were sprinkled through out the day. And she was so thankful she had her best friend there to nag her into it.

“Coast is clear! And holy shit, I killed that make up on you. You look PERFECT.” Gert was now shaking her head in disbelief, glowing with pride and absolute love for her best friend. All of a sudden,Chase came around the corner holding a makeshift bouquet of white lilies. “Chase! You’re not supposed to see her yet!” His look of awe and warmth closely matched Gert’s.

“Nico wanted you to have this... Wow K, you look stunning. She has no idea what’s about to hit her.” Karolina took the bouquet and gave him a thankful nod. “You guys ready?”

Chase disappeared back into the room where Karolina and Nico would be getting married, and Gert hooked her arm into Karolina’s. “This is it. How do you feel?”

“I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life.” 

***

As soon as they walked in the room, she could hear Nico gasp. Her eyes immediately filled up with tears as she took long, dragging gazes up and down Karolina. Karolina found herself doing the same. Nico was in fitted black slacks and a white button down. She wore a loose black bow tie, and her hair was pulled up into one of her signature buns. Her make up was the most natural that Karolina had ever seen it, and it made her heart skip a beat. 

As soon as they made it up to Nico, Gert let go of Karolina’s arm and guided her hands over to her future wife’s, then gave her a peck on the cheek, before taking her place to the right of the blonde.

“Karolina... How is it possible that you look this unbelievably gorgeous?” Nico shook her head, her eyes showing every shade of disbelief.

“You can thank Gert for that. Also, you look absolutely stunning.” Nico gave her a sweet smile, and it took everything in her not to lean down and capture her lips.

The ceremony was everything to be expected from a courthouse wedding. But all Karolina could focus on was getting the vows right. Not fumbling her words, not saying something stupid, not making a total ass of herself on the most important day of her life. Nico started first, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready.

“Karolina... You are the sun in human form. You are warm and soft and bright. You are the light that feels essential to my survival.” Nico took in a big breath and tried to fight back the tears that were now on the verge of escaping. “And just like the sun, no matter how many times you set, you always rise. No matter how many clouds try to block your rays, you always peak through, producing the most beautiful rainbow. And that’s why I love you.” Karolina gave Nico a warm look and squeezed her hand in support. In return, Nico flashed an equally sweet smile.

“I love you for your essence. I love you for the beauty you can see, but also the beauty that is engrained in every molecule of your being. I love your laugh and your smile. The way your eyes shine when you’re happy. And I love nothing more than being the cause of that happiness.” Something changed in Nico’s face, something hard to detect, hard to read. “I know I haven’t always been the cause of that happiness. I know that I was the cause of a lot of your sadness the past couple of years. I royally fucked this up.” Nico directed a guilty look at the judge, but then proceeded. “But you never gave up on me. And because of that unshakeable faith, and because my heart could never fathom letting you go, we are here today. Stronger, wiser, more grateful for what we have. More ready for the future to come. So I vow to you today, in front of our two best friends, that I will never lose sight of us again. I will never run when it gets hard. I will never stop fighting for you, never stop trying to be the woman you deserve. I vow to love you in big ways and small ways. I vow to be your clown, your knight in shining armor, your rock, and your home even when you feel lost. I vow all of this, everyday, for the rest of our lives.” Now they were both holding back heaving sobs. Trying to regain some kind of composure, Trying not to collapse totally in on themselves. 

“Nico, you are it for me. I think I’ve always known it, always felt it in my bones. Every time I tried to deny it, it felt like there my body rejecting a vital organ. And I know we lost our way for a little while. And I know we haven’t made this easy on each other. But I always knew this was our destiny. You and me, forever.” Her words felt a little clumsier than Nico’s, like syllables tripping over each other, trying to escape from her mouth. But to Nico they were beautiful none the less. “I am not a poet, not a songwriter. You know I am not very good with my words. So instead of reciting to you some perfectly rehearsed vows, I want to show you them with my actions every day. I want to make you coffee every morning to start your morning with a smile. I want to be your shoulder to cry on and your favorite person to laugh with. I want to give you the family and the home you never had. I want to be your beacon of comfort and safety whenever you feel lost or untethered. I want to be your lamp in the dark.” Nico couldn’t help but smile hearing her own lyrics recited back to her. Though she was finding it hard to stop the flow of tears coming out of her. “I want all of this, forever.”

The ring exchange felt shaky and unpracticed, and maybe Nico almost killed Chase when he nearly dropped them, but it still felt so perfect. So meant to be. The love between them so palpable, so undeniable. It was hard to believe there was time where it was hidden in song lyrics, hidden in calls not made and letters never sent, hidden in small boxes in sock drawers a thousand miles away. Hidden but never lost, never gone. 

And the judge must have seen that too, because she gave them a confident smile before proceeding. “I now pronounce you Wife and Wife. You may now kiss your bride.” They collided in on each other swiftly, their lips meeting like two magnets that were no longer being pulled apart. Nico held Karolina’s face and wiped at the tear tracks that slipped down to below her jaw. Karolina wrapped her long arms around Nico and pulled her in tighter. There seemed to be clapping and cheering, but they were too consumed with each other to notice. To let it shatter this moment. They were married. This was the start of forever.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie and Karolina come face to face for the first time since the break up... And let’s just say, things get tense...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! 
> 
> Comment and let me know what you think!

They had been married for about a week and everything felt like a dream. Their friends had left a couple days before, and while they loved having them, they were ready to find some normalcy in their new life. Their shared life.

They were walking around Brooklyn on a warm Friday afternoon, when Nico looked at Karolina nervously.

“Hey... So I really need to stop at Silent Sister to drop some stuff off for Logan. You know, with the album release soon, and the tour not long after, we have to get this stuff nailed down.” Karolina gave her a ‘get to the point’ look and waited patiently for Nico to finish. “Well.... It’s right around the corner and it’ll only take like five minutes. You think we could stop?” Karolina knew a moment like this was inevitable. This was Nico’s label after all, and she couldn’t avoid it forever.

“I’m fine with that... But could I wait outside? I really don’t want an awkward run in...” Nico nodded but there was a look of insecurity. A look of misplaced jealousy. “And you know this isn’t about me having feelings for Julie. I’m with you. I married you. I want to share life with you.... I just don’t want to make this harder for her. She’s a great person, and someone I still really care about, and I don’t want to cause her undue pain.”

“Karolina... I get it. Julie has really handled this like a champ, and I don’t want to make this awkward for her either. I’m cool with you waiting out here.” Nico gave her wife a warm smile as they rounded the corner to the label’s building. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, I promise!” Nico gave her a peck on the cheek and then disappeared up the stairs, leaving Karolina to combat her own anxious brain.

She fidgeted with her phone for what felt like an eternity before hearing a soft cough. When she looked up she practically jumped, now face to face with Julie, a warm but reserved smile dawning her face.

“Karolina... Hey, how are you?” The delivery was awkward, but the question felt genuine.

“Julie, I am so sorry. I was trying to hang outside to avoid this.” Karolina began to wonder if her words were making this situation even more uncomfortable. If she was making it seem like she found comfort in avoiding Julie.

“Yeah, well, I ran to get a coffee. So my timing is just absolutely impeccable.” Julie looked down at her cup, now finding it hard to make eye contact with her ex. “How are things with Nico? I hear congratulations are in order...” Her voice wavered and it made Karolina want to pull her into her arms and make it better. She hates that she is this unbelievably happy at the expense of someone she loved, someone that deserved better. 

“Jules, we don’t have to do this. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay with this. I know you got the shit end of everything.” Julie looked up at Karolina with tears threatening to pour over in her big blue eyes. Karolina hated this. All of this. But something about Julie’s demeanor suddenly changed. Her chest puffed out a little bit more, and she sniffled back whatever vulnerability threatened to make it self known.

“I just want you to be happy, Kar. I know I could hate you. I know I could resent this situation. But that all feels like wasted energy because I do still love you, and I do still want what’s best for you. And I’ve come to terms with the fact that that isn’t me. We both knew it would always be her.” All of a sudden a tense Nico was by her side. She wore a complicated expression of both protectiveness but also empathy. 

“Nico! Hey! I was just congratulating your wife here on... well... becoming your wife.” She flashed Nico a warm, almost overcompensating smile, and turned back to Karolina. She leaned in towards her and whispered something in her ear before sliding past the both of them and entering the building.

“What the fuck just happened?” Nico was now standing in front of her looking for some clarification, clearly trying to get out of some insecure mindset. But the jealousy seemed to radiate off of her in a way that unsettled Karolina to her core. “What did she say to you?”

“She just said she was happy for me, and that she loves me, and wants the best for me.” Nico shook her head and took a deep breath. 

“I know she didn’t whisper all of that to you, Kar.” Her eyes now looking towards the street, avoiding Karolina’s magnetic gaze. 

“She asked me not to forget her.” Nico’s eyes flashed back towards her wife’s. Karolina could tell her mind was now two dimensions away from this moment, away from rational thought.

“I mean... What could I expect? How could someone just get over the beautiful Karolina Dean? She has a knack for stealing people’s hearts...” Her jaw tightened as she said it, and Karolina couldn’t help but feel frustrated. The delivery felt like an utter slap in the face, like Karolina asked for this, like she wanted this. Her eyes stung with tears, and she could tell Nico regretted the words as soon as she said them, as soon as she saw the impact they had. 

“That’s not fair Nico, and you know it.” She began walking back to their apartment, feeling her wife close behind her, like a shadow.

“Karolina, baby, I’m so sorry. That was uncalled for.” She grabbed the blonde’s hand and twisted her back around to face her. The absolute hurt and sadness in her eyes made Nico feel like she was going to be sick. She wished she could erase that insecure moment that made her a total ass. 

“You know you have no right to act that way. To say things like that. You left for 3 years, and yes, I was with other people. And yes I fell in love. And yes, I wasn’t always fair to her, when I knew my heart wasn’t fully hers, wasn’t even fully mine to give her.” Karolina took a big breath, her voice now shaky and strained. “I gave up everything for you because I love you more than words can express. But Nico, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stand there and let you make me feel like I did something wrong. You weren’t the one that I hurt, she was. And I’m not going to apologize for a life that you opted out of, that you ran away from.” Nico looked up at her pitifully, unable to mask the regret painted all over over face.

“Kar, I am so unbelievably sorry. You didn’t deserve that, I am a total ass. Just seeing you with her... It made me realize how good she is. She’s stable, and kind, and warm. She’s so different than everything I am. So sometimes it’s hard for me to wrap my head around why you would choose me.” Karolina shook her head, unbelievably frustrated with the self pitying, insecure version of Nico in front of her.

“Nico, do you think loving you is a choice for me? I don’t think we would be having this conversation right now if it was. If it were a choice, I would’ve let you go, I would’ve moved on. I would’ve given Julie my future. My life with her was a choice. My life with you feels inevitable.” She grit her teeth and inhaled a big, unfulfilling breath. “I just.... I don’t know how to make this any clearer to you? I-I need to take a walk, get this out of my system... I’ll see you back at the apartment.” And Nico let her go, wishing that she could rewind time and stop herself from hurting her wife in the worst way she knew how to in that moment. Why was she so fucking good at that?

***

When Karolina finally made it back to the apartment it was almost dark out, and she found her wife in a pitiful ball on their bed. Her eyes were red and she could barely look at her. Without a word, Karolina slid under the covers and wrapped her arms around Nico, kissing the top of her head. The walk had given her the time to cool off and clear her mind.

“Karolina, I don’t know how else to say how sorry I am. I acted like an immature, insecure child. I snapped at you because I was frustrated with myself. Frustrated with the fact that I can’t rewrite history.” Karolina inhaled a big breath of Nico’s perfume before responding. 

“We can’t move forward if we keep looking back. 3 years in the grand scheme of life is nothing. It’s only something if we keep making it that way. I just need you to get it through that thick skull of yours that I forgive you, and I’ve moved on. That I am so unbelievably happy with you, and I feel so blessed to be your wife.” Nico looked up at her and gave her a small side smile. 

“How the hell did I get so lucky?” It was all Nico could get out before Karolina pulled her in for one of the top 5 kisses of their entire relationship. It said all the things words couldn’t, all the things that words shouldn’t. It was a moment of total serenity at the end of a cluster of chaos. It was a silent prayer, and hopeful promise. It was a reminder of their forever.

***

As they came down from their rollercoaster of a day, Karolina laid her head on Nico’s chest and rubbed soothing circles on her arm. The room was so quiet, and all Karolina could register was the sound of Nico’s heart beating against her ear, anchoring her to this moment.

“Nico... Were you serious about that whole cat, baby, white picket fence thing?” Her words felt like a wrecking ball shattering this moment, and she almost wished she could yank them from the air and go back to the comfortable silence. But she just couldn’t stop thinking about what Nico said, about wanting everything out of life with her. She just had to make sure it was a promise and not a heat of the moment hope. 

“I’m still 50/50 on the cat, and also the white picket fence, but I am 100% certain I want a family with you, however that may look.” Karolina buried her face in her wife’s chest and tried to hide the relieved smile that was now plastered all over it. The idea of raising a family with Nico was something that felt so impossible for so long. Now knowing that it was even an option made Karolina feel like she really was the luckiest girl on the planet.

“Good, because mini Nicos sounds like a dream come true.” Nico felt Karolina whisper against her chest, as she let out a sleepy sigh and squeezed her even tighter. She knew she didn’t deserve Karolina’s forgiveness, didn’t deserve her heart, didn’t deserve her future. But she was going to take it all, because she made Karolina happy, and there was nothing more beautiful in this world than when that girl smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF ALERT!
> 
> A little bit of a time jump where Karolina tells Nico she’s pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay on this chapter. I just felt like this story was nearing an end and I wanted to find a good way to wrap it up.
> 
> This will be the last chapter, but please comment if you would be interested in an epilogue. Also, let me know what you think!

A couple years later...:

Nico had been on tour for a few months promoting her newest album, and Karolina missed her more than she could vocalize. Sure, Nico flew her out to some of the shows, and they FaceTimed every night. But Nico not being a usual participant in the in and out of their everyday was starting to wear on her. Nico not cleaning her teeth next to her in the morning, and threatening to give her a big, mint infused, foam kiss. Nico not making breakfast for her or being there to calm her down before a big meeting at work. Nico not holding her as she fell asleep, warding off any insecure nightmares that loomed like shadows in the dark.

But the hardest part was her not being there as they tried to make this baby. They decided to use Nico’s egg, which of course she was there for the retrieval of. But all other appointments, Karolina was alone. And she knew Nico hated it. She knew how important this was; more important than the album or this tour or really her whole music career. But Karolina knew that this was an essential component of Nico’s job, and she insisted she would be fine without her there. She promised to keep her updated after every doctor’s visit, and Nico promised that after this tour, her whole attention would be on their family.

But today was a happy day, because Nico was finally coming home and Karolina had just found out she was indeed pregnant. She wanted to be able to tell her wife in person, to see and feel her reaction, to know that this was indeed real. Up until this point, it all felt like a potential dream, something on the horizon. And she knew it would keep feeling this way until Nico knew too, until Nico was an active participant in this journey.

So Karolina bought some flowers and waited by baggage claim, watching families reunite and business men claim lonely bags in a city that wasn’t their own. Until she saw Nico’s smiling face, she felt like one of them, unanchored and homesick.

All of a sudden, she saw her wife, black jean clad, in that blue pocket tee that was so worn out and barely resembling a functioning shirt anymore. Karolina threatened to throw it away numerous times, but Nico insisted she couldn’t go on tour without a piece of her wife with her. And with that totally sweet, and totally lovesick notion, Karolina let her keep it. Part of her couldn’t let it go either.

Nico looked grumpy and tired. She had the duffle bag in hand that she had taken when she left Karolina years ago, and it still stung to see it. Stung to watch Nico pull it out of the closet every tour and separate her clothes from the blonde’s. But as time went on, it stung less and less, and now it was beginning to feel like a nostalgic twinge. A pull at the heart that reminded Karolina how far they’ve come.

When Nico finally met her gaze, the exhausted and frustrated cloud seemed to clear. She jogged up to the blonde and pulled her in for the tightest hug she could imagine, simultaneously kissing every square inch of her face.

“Oh my god, I missed you so much... You look beautiful... How are you doing? How you feeling?” Nico knew the answers to all these things (other than the fact that she is indeed pregnant). Karolina had kept her promise of informing her of everything going on back home. But Nico also knew something else about her wife; that she would always hold back the things that were hurting her, or bugging her, or exhausting her, so Nico wouldn’t stress being so far away. And now, holding her wife as they both teared up next to unclaimed suitcases and wary travelers, she could finally get the honest truth.

“I wish I could remember this moment forever...” The statement etched a confused look on Nico’s face. Of course, they were always so unbelievably happy to see each other, but they had also done this song and dance more times than she could count. Before she could get too lost in her cloud of questions, she felt the blonde pull her in closer and press her lips to her ear. “I’m pregnant.”

All of a sudden, Nico was pulling out of the embrace so she could study her Karolina’s face, making sure she wasn’t dreaming. She gripped tight on her arms and watched as Karolina tearfully nodded, taking in big breaths.

“Karolina! No fucking way... Really?!” Before the blonde could even answer, Nico was pulling her in again, tight, now sobbing into her shoulder. They had wanted this for so long, and now it was finally happening. “When did you find out? God... I should’ve been here...”

“I found out last week, but I wanted to tell you in person. And no, we’re not doing this guilt thing Neeks. You’re here now, and you’ll be here for the rest of this journey, so let’s just be so fucking happy.” Nico looked up and pulled her in for a hard, passionate kiss. Trying to tell her all the things that words couldn’t. The pound of her heart seeming to be the only reply suitable for this form of communication.

“You’re having a baby... We’re having a baby...” Nico was now shaking her head in disbelief not quite sure what else to say, a flurry of emotions flying across her face faster than Karolina could read and comprehend them. “You got me fucking flowers... but I should be the one giving you flowers...” Karolina was now all too aware of Nico’s stream of conscious dialogue, and it made her a little anxious.

“So... You’re happy right?” Karolina had worked on being less insecure when it came to questions about their future. She knew she and Nico wanted all the same things, and the starting of the baby making process was Nico’s idea, but a small part of her was still worried that if she moved too fast her wife would panic and run.

“Karolina, baby, this is the happiest moment of my life. We’re going to be moms... How fucking amazing is that.” Karolina smiled warmly down at Nico and gave her a sweet kiss, very different than the last one they shared.

“And as much as I wish this moment could last forever, I’m exhausted, and I know you’re exhausted, so why don’t we get you home.” Nico nodded and laced an arm around her wife’s hip, guiding her to the exit.

“I’m going home... with my insanely beautiful wife... Who is pregnant with our child...” She seemed to still be in this dream state, trying to ease her brain back into reality. “What the hell did I do to deserve this?”

And similar sentiments were ringing through Karolina’s head, as they got in a cab and dozed off in the back seat. But for Karolina, home was in a chaotic airport or stuffy taxi’s back seat or laying in their bed in the early afternoon, listening to Nico’s heart beat. As long as they had each other, they were home. They were a family.

**Author's Note:**

> More chapters to come! This is the first fic I’ve posted, so I would love some feed back!


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